


Now I'm Unbreakable - Rin and Sousuke's Story

by ImmediatelyWriting



Category: Free!
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst, Awkwardness, Crush at First Sight, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Disability, Drama, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Health Issues, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Medical, Medical Conditions, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Character Death, Relationship(s), Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Sad, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Tragedy, Writing is Finished, possible happy ending, sourin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26251774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmediatelyWriting/pseuds/ImmediatelyWriting
Summary: Rin's life has never been easy; with multiple diseases he's in and out of the hospital.Sousuke's life used to be easy, but not anymore; since dislocating his shoulder during a swimming competition, his life took a turn for the worst.The two strangers meet each other, now suddenly sharing a hospital room.They've never seen each other and other than their disease they don't have anything in common... yet, it feels like they should've met much earlier in life.
Relationships: Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei, Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 33
Kudos: 15





	1. In My Shoes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I see you found my fanfiction!  
> This probably means you're familiar with "Free!" and know that I do not own the characters, but I do own the plot. There are mild references to "Free! Eternal Summer" but don't you worry about spoilers, I made sure only to include things that would go unnoticed for anyone who hasn't seen season 2 yet. 
> 
> This story, is part of a series (or I plan it to be). Now this is important! If you clicked on this you will see that this is part 1, this is because this is the first of three stories I've written. Have you read the second or third story first, no worries; These are stand alone stories that mildly intertwine with each other, they're in the same universe and their plots do connect through the stories.  
> Each part of "Heartbeat Remix" will focus mainly on 1 ship.  
> For example: In "Now I'm Unbreakable" we'll be focussing on Rin and Sousuke. 
> 
> Warnings that apply to the entire story;  
> \- LGBTQ romance, if you are NOT okay with gay relationships please don't read this!  
> \- Characters with disease, if you're triggered by people being sick or hospitalized this might not be the best story for you.  
> \- Sadness, Anxious thoughts and Angst will be present at some points in the story, so be prepared! (it's not by far as angsty as most stories though!)  
> \- OH the spelling/grammar errors you might find... yeah, I'm Dutch and Dyslectic, and even though I check my stories with spelling-controle there might be some mistakes that have slipped through... sorry in advance.
> 
> Audditional warnings will be in chapters' authornotes, to make sure people aren't triggered by the story.  
> Other than that there isn't much that has to be said, so enjoy!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

A soft tap on my shoulder, followed by the usual scent of disinfectant, reawakens me from spacing out. It takes me a moment to realize where I am, what I’m doing and why my shoulder hurts so badly. I literally have to remind myself.

I’m with my friends, as usual, but for some reason I’m having a hard time paying attention to what they’re saying. Ever since I’ve completely stepped onto formulas and IV hydration instead of normal food, I’ve been feeling empty which causes me to just completely space out from time to time.

This is one of those times; when I’m in the atrium with my friends. We’re sitting in our normal spot, with our backs to the fish tank and our bodies curled up in between the pillows on the leather bench. And they’re talking, while sometimes shooting worried glances at one of the others to see if they’re alright.

It’s part of our daily routine, or when more than one of us are administered to the hospital at the same time. We’ll gather in the ground floor atrium with the five of us and just talk about different kinds of things, sometimes we even do more active things.

When Makoto’s hospitalized, we’ll have talks mostly about family, friends and home situations because he’s not only a heart- and kidney disease patient, he also suffers from severe homesickness. Whenever he’s here we all get a little piece of his urge to want to go home, because he tends to talk about his little siblings that now have to do their homework without him, and his parents who suddenly have no one to care for or to help them with chores.

Makoto takes care of the needed crying sessions, but is also quick to cheer all of us up again.

Makoto’s boyfriend, Haruka, is not at all talkative. As a complete mute he’s more of an active doer. Even though he’s in a wheelchair and almost unable to keep balanced at all, he makes sure we will have our daily exercise by dragging us to the hospital’s gym, pool or courtyard so we can move our fragile bodies and he doesn’t have to deal with our sappy, and often repetitive, life stories that exist of hospital visits, medication and depressive family members that would rather keep us home at all time.

Honestly, I like both of them a lot, crying is one of the things I seem to be good at and I have no problem doing while at the same time I’m closer to Haru since he keeps us from having our daily depressive periods.

Yet, even though Haru’s here, we’re still having our bench sitting session at the atrium today. Which is mostly because I’ve been experiencing extreme muscle pain and lots of joint dislocations today which makes me more likely to choose talking over exercising.

I haven’t talked too much yet, though.

I look to my side to see who dared to tap my on my painful shoulder and see Rei shooting me a worried glance. He mouths “are you okay” before lowering his hand.

He’s one year younger than Makoto, Haru and me, but he’s also the one that worries about everyone the most. Caring more for others that are sick, like him, than for himself despite dealing with CF day in, day out.

I nod in response to his question, I am alright. At least I’m not doing worse than most of my bad days, so I force a smile to show my anxious friend how alright I am.

After doing that I turn back to the others, who are having a conversation about… dreams?

I almost snort when I see Nagisa jumping up on the table, his arms waving in the air dramatically like he’s doing some form of a party game.

“And there was this huuuuge rainbow!” he yells, making Rei wince at the sound.

Nagisa ignores Rei’s headache, which he’s been complaining about all morning, and continues explaining how his dream about rainbows and penguins was visualized.

He uses simple words, a high-pitched voice and dramatic gestures, like a kid, even though he used to be a normal teenager before having to deal with a brain tumor from the age of fourteen. I’ve never known him the way his parents and older siblings knew him, but we all notice that the way of dealing, with a life changing form of cancer, that Nagisa uses isn’t the usual way of coping.

Still we all don’t mind Nagisa acting a little more childish than the other sixteen-year-olds in our group, because he’s really the one that keeps up optimistic. He’s the one that comes up with games to play and conversations to hold while completely ignoring the fact that we’re all sick, some of us even disabled.

Even though being Nagisa’s best friend, and clearly secretly in love with him, Rei has most trouble with Nagisa’s childish behavior. While every one of us deals with Nagisa properly, I can sometimes see Rei glancing at his best friend sadly when he thinks no one notices. And he’s doing it now, while Nagisa’s being scolded for standing on a glass table with his bare feet, leaving greasy footprints where usually other people’s food lays.

“Please, get down from the coffee table, Hazuki,” Miss Tanaka, the young receptionist that tends to keep an eye on us when we’re chilling down here, yells from her seat.

Luckily for her, Nagisa seems to be in a good mood today and doesn’t go in against her wishes for once. Usually he’d tell her not to worry or just ignores her until she has to get up to drag him away for punishment.

When Nagisa’s flopped back onto the couch, his head leaning on Rei’s lap for comfort, Miss Tanaka mumbles, “Jeez, that kid’s going to hurt himself some day” to herself without thinking we’d hear it.

I chuckle when Nagisa replies to Miss Tanaka’s statement by yelling, “That’s why we’re in a hospital, huh!”

Miss Tanaka takes her hand through her hair while rolling her eyes in a way that screams “I don’t get paid enough for this job” in a million different ways.

While we’re snickering because of the young receptionist’s massive eye roll, we’re suddenly interrupted by a deafening scream. It last long and gets hoarse for a while before sounding clear again.

My eyes grow bigger when I see the double doors open with a lot of haste. A couple of nurses run beside a stretcher.

“He’s still breathing,” one of the nurses explains when an unknowing other joins her. “His shoulder joint dislocated while he was swimming. I’m sure he inhaled quite a lot of water.”

We watch from a distance while the nurses rush him towards the closest emergency room.

This all sounds too familiar, and when I turn around to the rest I see they all seem to be having flashbacks to when they were brought in with an ambulance for the first time; Haru seems to have them more than the rest of us, as this is a similar situation to his.

I, too, am reminded of my first time.

I was just four years old and I was playing with some kids in my local playground when suddenly my ankle completely dislocated. I don’t remember anything from my life as a four year old, except from that excruciating pain followed by an anxious month of wearing a brace around my ankle and being unable to walk without pain.

It wasn’t the last time I was rushed to the hospital, and it sure as hell wasn’t the last time I wore braces to keep my joints from dislocating.

As usually the shock of seeing someone new being brought in wears off quickly and a new conversation starts. Still, a massive case of brain fog keeps me from paying attention to anything of the conversation and even if I were to do that, the scream of that new guy completely has taken over my mind.

I could hear the pain, the cry for help, the overtaking urge to want to time travel to a timeline where you aren’t sick or where your joint doesn’t dislocate with every move you make whenever you’re not wearing braces. I sounded like that.

Without thinking, I shoot up from my seat on the couch. I must’ve caused something to move despite the braces, because I feel an extreme pain burning in my knee.

“Where are you going?” Makoto asks when he notices me limping away from our hangout spot without saying goodbye.

Suddenly all eyes are turned to me and I suddenly realize that I’ve never walked away from our daily hangouts early if I didn’t have a surgery or therapy session planned.

“Can’t focus,” I say. “I think I might have a fever or something, maybe it’s better if I lay in bed instead of sitting here until I reach my limit.”

It’s a lie that could be very true, while normally I wouldn’t explain it as fully as I did now. Luckily they don’t question it and I’m able to leave the pointless conversation without any trouble.

I stroll through the atrium, dodging every inexperienced patient that’s gazing at the decoration of the small Iwatobi Hospital’s atrium. Everyone always seems surprised because of the glass decorations, wooden walls and massive amount of plants.

In the atrium, it doesn’t look like a small village hospital at all, it looks like a shopping mall with its big, glass cylinder incasing the stairs that circle to the second floor, and its giant fish tank surrounded by couches.

That’s why we like to sit downstairs rather than rotting away in our rooms; which are completely hospital-like with their white walls and light gray flooring.

I get into the elevator instead of taking the stairs, because walking the stairs is something I can’t do and have never been able to learn fully.

I step in the elevator together with a young woman that I recognize when I look at her a little closer. She’s wearing big earrings, and small ones too a little higher on her earlobe, her hair is falling over her shoulders and dip dyed with the darkest purple I’ve ever seen and her round belly tells me she’s even more pregnant than last time I saw her.

“Nurse Shimizu.” I greet her with a short nod, instead of the deep polite bows that hurt when I do them. “So, how much longer until the baby will be born?”

Nurse Shimizu, the young nurse from the children Oncology department, has gotten pregnant a few months ago and I bet you if Nagisa were here in the elevator with me he’d be all over her to feel the baby; he adores the twenty-five year old nurse more than anyone else, and it’s clear he misses her now that she works much less due to her pregnancy.

“Only fifteen weeks to go,” she says with a bright smile.

I feel myself smiling lightly too while I watch Nurse Shimizu gladly stroking her, already so, enormous belly. Sometimes I’m sad I was too young to remember mom being pregnant of my sister, Gou, because I wish I could remember lying on mom’s lap to feel my baby sister kicking to show us a sign of life.

“And what about you?” Nurse Shimizu asks, a slightly worried look on her face.

I frown, wanting to tell her that I’m not pregnant, but I know what she means not long after; she means how long this hospital stay will last.

“Another two, maybe even three, months,” I say. “Nurse Kato says it depends on how well the surgery will go and how quickly I’ll recover.”

She nods and kindly strokes my shoulder with empathy before we get out of the elevator and both walk towards our own destinations. She, probably, goes to the part of the hospital where they check on your baby and such, while I head towards the Orthopedics Department where my humble bedroom is waiting for me.

I slide the door to room F107 open and take it in; the bed, the monitors and the big window with its, even bigger, windowsill that’s been filled with pillows I can lay on top of.

I’ve been “living” in the hospital from time to time, and for some reason it seems like they keep this room available for me at all time. I’ve only been in a different room overnight twice, both of which was when I laid on the Intensive Care.

I’ve been coming here from the age of four, when I was misdiagnosed with Scoliosis and joint problems, because they had no idea what I really had. This surely wasn’t the last time I got diagnosis, whether they were misdiagnosis or other diseases that had to do with my leading genetic disorder.

I’ve been in the hospital with, what they thought was, chronic migraines when I was six, grief soon after my dad passed away and when I was ten they told me I had anorexia as well as anxiety. None of this was true, and when soon after the “anorexia” experience turned out to be the first sign of the, now total, paralysis of my intestinal track, I was quickly diagnosed with the genetic disorder Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

That’s when the past seven years of barely being home started and that’s also the time I started to get friendly with my all-time favorite nurse, Nurse Kato, who’s taken care of me mostly ever since I’ve diagnosed with EDS, Chronic Intestinal Pseudo-Obstruction, Asthma _and_ an Immunodeficiency disorder.

It’s that new patient’s cry that stirred up all of those memories from my first time here, my first surgery, my first misdiagnosis and my first actual diagnosis. And it’s like I’m reliving why first thirteen years all over again.

I wander into the room, _my_ room, and sit down on the windowsill straight away.

I’ve barely even sat down when there’s a knock on the wooden slide door, and not soon after it opens to reveal Nurse Kato standing in the doorway with a worried look on her face.

I immediately worry about the look on her face, thinking it might have something to do with the blood samples we took a while ago, but then her frown turns into a smile.

“Glad to see you’re here,” she says, before walking further into my room.

I install myself a little better, pressing myself against the soft pillows, while asking, “Where else would I be? The hospital isn’t that big, even if I wouldn’t be here you’d know where to find me, right?”

Nurse Kato nods, she knows all of my favorite spots and has always found me within seconds.

“So what did you need to talk about?” I ask, snuggling closer with my pillow, hoping and wishing she’s not going to say something bad.

“Well, a short while ago we brought in a new patient,” she says and my mind immediately flashes images of the guy that was being raced to the ER. “I don’t know if you know that or not, but anyway, he’s around your age and we think, after talking to his parents, that he might also have EDS.”

I feel my eyes getting bigger in surprise; EDS is mostly found in females, and other than that it’s already a pretty rare disease.

She pauses and glances away. “Of course we have to do some more tests, and getting the results will take a while…” She goes on about this rare happening, but I’m not even really listening to her anymore. All I can think about is wanting to meet this guy.

“We are wondering,” Nurse Kato continues. “whether you’d mind if we let the two of you share a room for the time he’s here?”

I nod, immediately without taking a moment to think. I want to and I am going to meet this person!


	2. Bruised and Scarred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's that new guy!? And what is he doing here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I've almost finished writing all chapters and they're all in between 1000 and 2000 words. I have about five left to write, but the plot has been decided.   
> Also, I'm going to start college tomorrow, so I might post a little later or earlier than usual; the usual is every Sunday and Thursday, but I don't know how busy I'll be with college and if I have enough time to write the last five chapters before the deadline (I've got eight more chapters ready to be posted, so my deadline in over four weeks), but I think I can do it :)  
> Now enjoy, hahaha!
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> Auditional Warnings:  
> Talk about blood, bruises, dislocating joints, etc. (the medical stuff and such)

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

****

My head feels like it can explode any moment now, and I’m convinced that it actually will as soon as I open my eyes and let whatever light is trying to break through my eyelids in.

Other than the pounding pain in my head, everything feels numb. My toes tingle, my stomach growls lightly and my shoulders feel non-existent.

Swallowing is hard, since my body feels paralyzed from top to bottom.

_Is this what they call sleep paralysis?_ I wonder as I move my eyes from side to side underneath my closed eyelids, feeling the skin lightly rubbing against the surface of my eyes.

I don’t even know where I am, but the pillow underneath my head doesn’t feel like my own. Instead of soft and cloud-like, this one feels hard and slightly bulky.

Yesterday was in important day to me, I remember that much; there’s been a swimming competitions which I trained really hard for, and I swear I remember getting reading on the starting block.

_Did I jump?_ I wonder, trying to unlock the memory of diving into the cold chlorine water, but nothing comes to mind. Months of training and I don’t even remember swimming.

I must’ve won and threw an after party, because for some reason I got completely wasted… right? That must be what happened, because I’m so hung over my head feel like exploding and I don’t remember anything of the afternoon of the competition.

I force my eyes to open, hoping I don’t wake up in some random guy’s bed. That would be so awkward, especially when I’d have to explain it to my parents.

But there’s not a double bed, or walls filled with posters of race cars or rock bands; I’m in a sterilized white room lying in that kind of one-person bed that everyone seen once before, one with a hard mattress and white blankets and rails to keep you from rolling out if it.

A gasp sounds as soon as my eyes open, and I quickly realize the hoarse and tired-sounding gasp belongs to me.

Nothing makes sense, and when I ask myself the question “why am I in a hospital” nothing comes to mind. All I can think of is the moment of me standing on the starting block, staring at the clear water while waiting for the start shot. I remember that my shoulder was aching really badly from training all the time and when I swung forward something cracked.

I hear the deafening crack over and over again, and the memory starts playing in a black and white haze again. After that crack I don’t remember anything… just a white and cloudy abyss.

I haven’t even completely looked around the room when the door opens without any warning, startling me so badly my heart feels like it’s trying to break out of my chest.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the woman, who wandered into the hospital room without knocking, says when her eyes meet mine. “How rude of me, I didn’t think you’d be awake.”

I swallow, wondering if I really was doing that bad if they didn’t think I would already be awake. I don’t even know how long I slept, but it can’t be long judging from the woman’s reaction.

“Well, anyway, I’m Aina Kato,” she says with a mild smile which appears to be both a greeting and welcoming smile as a worried grimace. “I’m a nurse here.”

I nod, still rather confused about waking up in a hospital.

I want to sit upright a little, so I can see this nurse better when she’s talking to me, but a fierce pain shoots up my arm and to my shoulder when I do so.

My face pulls into a grimace and I immediately lower myself back onto the pillow.

“Please, try to move as less as possible,” she says in a calming, but stern, tone. “Your shoulder got dislocated this morning, so you must try to be careful.”

I take my left hand up to my right shoulder, the one that seems to have been hurting or dislocating a lot lately. I always knew it might go wrong some time, and for a couple of times it almost did, but I pushed through the unbearable pain so I could continue to do what I love.

The skin underneath the black shoulder brace feels numb and tingly and I’m sure it’s as red as I’ve seen it a couple of times before.

“Are you okay with me asking you a few questions?” Nurse Kato asks, while walking a little closer to the bed I’m lying in.

“Sure,” I say, my voice is hoarser than I remember it being.

The lips ticked lips of the woman turn into a kind smile and the skin around her eyes wrinkles lightly. “So, do you know your name?”

I frown at the strange question; of course I know my name!

“It’s Sousuke Yamazaki.”

“And Sousuke.” She pauses. “Uhm, are you okay with me calling you Sousuke?”

I nod, even though I don’t know if this nurse and I are on first name basis.

“Sousuke, how are you feeling?”

I think for a moment; I feel fuzzy and numb and a little lightheaded, but would that count as feeling “okay” or “fine”? Or should I call it “not great” or even “bad” rather than that.

“On a scale of zero to ten,” she quickly adds. “Zero meaning you have no pain at all and ten being the worst pain you’ve ever felt.”

“A five?” I mumble, still debating whether I’m really fine or just too drugged up on painkillers to notice the obviously bad shape I’m in. I eventually settle on it being a four on the pain scale since I actually don’t feel much of anything.

“Okay, and do you remember what happened?”

I glance away, already aware that I don’t know too much. I know I dislocated my shoulder, again, and this time it probably went wrong.

“I was at a swimming competition.” I pause to think, to see if I can bust through the wall of clouds that separating me from my memories after diving in. “I remember standing on the starting block and diving in.”

“Do you remember anything from what happened after diving in?”

I shake my head. “I guess I must’ve dislocated my shoulder, right?”

Nurse Kato nods slowly before carefully explaining to me what happened.

She tells me how bystanders told her that I kind of tumbled into the pool, clenching my shoulder, I must’ve almost drowned because a lifeguard had to stop the competition and drag me out of the water.

I’d apparently inhaled some water and they had to rush me to the hospital.

“I don’t remember any of that,” I mumble, mostly to myself, when I’ve taken in all the information Nurse Kato has just given me.

“I’ll have to do some little tests, but first.” Nurse Kato smiles politely. “Do you have any questions yourself?”

I shrug; I have too many questions, but none of them come to mind now.

Nurse Kato must’ve noticed that I’m having a hard time finding the words to ask what I want to know, I have to know, because she says, “It’s okay, take your time.”

“When will I be able to go home?”

I want to go home, so badly; I’m used to having to lie in a hospital bed and feel miserable.

Nurse Kato shakes her head, but I have no idea what that means, and tells me that that depends on the results of the tests. “It could just be the dislocated joint only, but it could also be many other things,” she explains. “We’ll have to wait for those results to know how long your stay is going to last.”

I nod, and suddenly I don’t feel like asking anything anymore. I just want to go home, I want to get over with those tests and get the results and go home. So I lie and tell her I don’t have any more questions; I just want to know how long I’ll have to stay.

She seems to understand, and not long after Nurse Kato’s sitting in front of me with a file and pen on her lap.

She asks me questions that vary from “How often are you tired?” and “Do you feel nauseated often?” to “How often do your joints dislocate?” and “Do you bruise easily?”.

I answer honestly, of course, and for the first time I’m aware of how often I wander around with bruises all over my body or swim and train with weak and aching muscles. I used to have dislocated joints often when I was young, but when my parents took me to see a doctor they just told them that I was a fragile child and it was normal and non-threatening.

After the questions Nurse Kato checks my blood pressure, oxygen level, takes a blood sample, and she takes a little sample of my skin that she says they have to inspect underneath a microscope. We also have to go to another room where I have to do some things I don’t even know what the purpose was of and she does something she calls an echocardiogram before taking me back to the previous room.

“We’ll probably have to results by tomorrow morning. I think it’s best to keep you here for the night if you don’t mind?” she explains while getting up from her chair.

“Sure,” I reply, knowing I’m not going to get home while being in this state.

“It’s important you try to sleep tonight.”

I nod, even though I’ve barely been able to sleep for the last months.

After that she excuses herself and walks out of room, leaving me in the silence. I’m wondering what the blood- and skin samples have to do with a dislocated shoulder, but I don’t have long to think about it as a sudden wave of exhaustion hits me.

Within no time my eyelids get too heavy to keep open, and as soon as my eyes close, my brain shuts down for the night as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> And... They meet!


	3. Like Strangers Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet :)

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

It doesn’t happen often that I’m asked to follow Nurse Kato to my room during the moments that I spend with my friends. But today the woman that has taken care for me in the times that my mother couldn’t be with me at all time, suddenly calls my name when I’m in the middle of a conversation with Makoto.

“What?” I ask, turning to Nurse Kato who’s smiling her usual polite smile.

Anything can be going on; my mother and Gou visited without announcement, there’s an emergency, I need to do some tests… who knows?

“Your roommate, the young man we talked about, has moved in,” Nurse Kato tells me.

A smile erupts on my face, but I’ve got mixed feelings about it; being in the hospital is never good and if Nurse Kato put him with me it means he actually has EDS, which sucks, but I’m also looking forward to meeting someone like me.

“What roommate?” Nagisa’s voice sounds behind me.

When I turn around to them, to tell them I have to go for now, I see that all of them are glaring at me. In all the years that I’ve been here I’ve always kept having roommates at a distance, because the hospital room is my only place to hide when I’m having an emotional breakdown, so that explains Nagisa’s comment, Rei’s confused glare, Haruka’s big eyes and Makoto’s gaping mouth.

“I’ll explain later,” I quickly say, already getting up from the couch.

Makoto encourages me to go, but also tells me to bring my new roommate to our group meeting tomorrow.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumble before following Nurse Kato to my room.

“Just take everything slowly with him,” Nurse Kato tells me when we’re standing in the elevator. “He’s completely new to everything, and he’ll have to get used to being depended of people. But I hope you can show him the ways of living with EDS, I trust you can do that.”

I nod, showing her a serious look to make sure she knows that I’m not kidding when I say that I promise to take it slow and serious.

“So, he actually has EDS?”

“We’re almost sure he has, yeah,” she answers. “I can’t tell you more, privacy and all, so he’ll choose whether or not to tell you more about himself.”

I nod, I wouldn’t want a nurse to tell someone else all about me either.

Within no time we reach my room and I see that the name card on the door has already been changed. The name _Sousuke Yamazaki_ has been added underneath mine.

“I’ll leave you to it, I trust you can introduce yourself to him,” Nurse Kato says; in other words, she has other stuff to attend to and doesn’t have time to stand beside me when I awkwardly try to meet someone who I’ve dreamed of this night.

By the time I’ve gathered the confidence to go inside, Nurse Kato has already left my side.

I take one more breath and slide the door open to reveal my room being different than ever before; there’s two beds now and there’s a guy laying in the bed that isn’t mine.

He’s muscular, clearly well trained, and he has short and very dark brown hair.

Two bright teal eyes stare at me as I awkwardly slide the door close behind me. The guy’s eyebrows are brushy and furrowed, making him look rather annoyed.

“Hey,” I say, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. “I’m Rin Matsuoka, nice to meet you. We’ll share this room, I guess.”

My slight uncomfortably, and fear, must’ve shown because suddenly the guy’s expression softens and he even shows a small smile before saying, “I’m Sousuke Yamazaki, nice to meet you too. Are you okay with me calling you Rin?”

He sounds unsure of himself, even though someone with a strong voice, muscular built and such stern expression shouldn’t be even able sound so hesitant.

I nod politely and tell him that he can call me that since I know not everyone is a fan of the last name basis before calling someone by the first name. Plus, if he were to join our friend group, we have never had a last name basis either.

“So,” Sousuke’s deep voice breaks the silence awkwardly, and he must’ve noticed because he chuckles softly. “You also have Ehlers-something…” his voice trails off as he thinks.

I was like that too at first, not only couldn’t I remember the full name of the syndrome, just speaking of EDS made me feel very aware of the fact that I had it.

“Yes, also an EDS patient.” I smile, but soon realize that for someone it can be hard to accept at first. He probably hasn’t even completely processed all the information Nurse Kato has thrown at him, let stand learned to cope with having it and being around people who’ve been diagnosed years ago and are fully used to the hospital life.

Sousuke nods once before his face saddens a little.

“I mean,” I continue, because I should make him aware of my other conditions in case something were to happen while we’re in this room together, if he knows what I have he’ll be able to more easily inform a nurse of what happened. And maybe if he knows I’m the biggest freak here, he’ll feel less uncomfortable talking about his own diagnosis.

So I walk towards my bed, sit down on the edge of the mattress and say, “Among other thingies; Chronic Intestinal Pseudo-Obstruction, Immunodeficiency and Asthma.”

Sousuke’s eyes glare at me and I don’t think he has any idea what most of those things mean. I sure didn’t at first, when they informed me about my intestinal problems I was extremely confused, because I had never heard about something called Intestinal Pseudo-Obstruction. Neither had I ever heard of EDS when I was just diagnosed.

“They said I had something called Dysautomonia,” he informs me, but it sounds more like a question. “Apparently it can come with that other disease.”

I nod and explain that since EDS is a genetic disease it can affect any part of the body and cause many other conditions to develop over time. “Dysautomonia must be one of those many things too, I guess.”

I’ve personally only heard it being mentioned a few times, so I don’t quite know what it is. They thought I had Dysautomonia at some point because I showed some of the symptoms like brain fog, swings in body temperature, sleeping problems and vomiting often.

“Say, are you comfortable answering some questions?” Sousuke asks.

At first I don’t quite know, I’m no doctor nor am I completely comfortable with talking about personal things when I don’t know that person, but I suddenly remember how bad this hospital can be at informing people about their diagnosis.

“Haven’t you been allowed to ask anything you wanted to know?” I ask.

Sousuke nods, glancing away as if I just told him off. “I didn’t quite…” his voice trails off again, almost like he’s embarrassed for not asking everything within the first minutes after being diagnosed with something that’s chronic; I don’t blame the guy.

“It’s okay, we all have that at first.” If mom hadn’t been with me that first time, I wouldn’t have asked anything either. I was way too shocked back then.

“Yeah,” Sousuke mumbles and a soft blush breaks through his suntanned cheeks. “And it’s a good way to get to know each other a little.”

“Ask whatever you want to know,” I say while smiling, because he’s right, it is a great way to get to know each other. “Am I allowed to return questions?”

Sousuke nods and then asks, “So what is EDS?”

I almost chuckle, but then I realize that it’s a serious question; they really didn’t inform the poor guy at all, I’ll have to speak Nurse Kato about this.

“Well, it basically…” I try to think of a simple way to explain it. “Well, you have the tissues that keep your body together, right? And when you have EDS those tissues are weak, making your joints loose, your skin thin and it can weaken your blood vessels and organs.”

Sousuke looks very confused and for a moment I didn’t explain it right, but then he says, “Right, I get that.” without changing his expression at all.

He doesn’t have to think long before asking, “How long do _you_ think I have to stay here?”

I look down at my lap, because it’s a hard question. None of us know how long a hospital stay will last, it depends on his injury, the way he reacts to the meds and if he’s going to do better or worse over time.

“I don’t know,” I answer after a short while. “Could by anything varying from a couple of days to a couple of months.” After thinking a little longer I add, “But if you’re okay with explaining me your situation I might be able to take a better guess.”

“Sure,” Sousuke replies, before leaning with his head on the pillow to think deeply. “Let’s see… My right shoulder was dislocated, it’s healing now.”

My eyes shoot towards his shoulder and I can see the edges of the black brace showing from underneath his oversized t-shirt.

“And I feel dizzy or nauseated often, and it’s very hard to focus from time to time.”

_Symptoms of Dysautomonia_ , I fill in for myself as Sousuke continues to list problems like low blood sugar, ongoing tiredness, sensitivity to light, shortness of breath, discomfort in chest and swings in body temperature.

He pauses shortly and he turns as red as a tomato as he silently mumbles, “And, a little new… a little embarrassing too… I kind of wet the bed over night.”

I feel like I’m blushing too, but loss of bowel and bladder control is proofed to be a common problem of many patients and it has been one of my own problems for a while as well.

“It’s not that strange, my intestines don’t work at all,” I say to make him feel less embarrassed. “Now, _that_ is strange!”

Sousuke chuckles awkwardly before we both go silent again, creating an ever more uncomfortable atmosphere.

I play with the fabric of the long sleeve of my shirt, trying to suppress red cheeks and the urge to just say something random that will probably be embarrassing for both of us.

“May I ask a more personal question?” Sousuke asks.

I nod immediately, anything to get rid of this awkward feeling in my chest.

“How long have you been in the hospital for?”

For some reason my heart starts beating faster when being asked the question, and frankly all of a sudden I’m out of answers. So, I sit in silence, thinking of the first moment that I spend a night in the hospital.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“No!” My voice is so much louder than I thought. “No, it’s okay.”

I sit up straighter and bite the inside of my cheek, afraid to scare him off by saying for how long I’ve been coming here.

“This stay has been going on for, I think, two months,” I say and Sousuke raises his eyebrows.

I know to some people two months might sound as a long time, but to me it’s nothing. I’ve been in the hospital for five months multiple times and one time I even had to stay for eight months in one go because I had to have surgery after surgery.

“But I’ve been in and out for thirteen, almost fourteen, years now.”

Now, Sousuke’s expression might even be the definition of surprised and confused and empathetic and, most of all, afraid. It’s such a big change from the, almost emotionless, resting bitch face he had before that I almost burst out in laughter.

Instead I let out a humble giggle and tell him that I don’t mind.

“This is like a home to me, honestly,” I explain. “I have my room, I know the nurses, all of my friends are here and this seems to be the only place where people don’t think I’m a freak.”

I grin wide, knowing that these words are true. None of the people here are more a freak than I am, nor are they less a freak and I can feel that Sousuke doesn’t think I’m a freak either. Especially when he shows me a kind smile that makes my cheeks feel warmer.

I let out a laugh and, the movement that my chest makes when doing that, it makes me feel great. It makes me feel like Sousuke were supposed to meet so much earlier in life; we’re made to become great friends, I’m sure of it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Sousuke meets the other guys!


	4. Safe And Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke meets the group of guys!

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

I thought being at the hospital would be so annoying, but with a roommate like Rin everything seems to go smoothly. He knows how everything has to be done in the morning and he’s able to inform me about my own disease better than the nurses can.

This morning it’s again very clear that Rin is completely used to waking up in a hospital.

He teaches me how to put on braces around my shoulders, elbows, hands, knees and ankles as if he’s been trained to do that.

“You do this.” He talks while doing his own braces as well, wrapping them tightly around his weak joints. “So, that way, you don’t keep dislocating them so easily.”

I wrap one of the braces around my elbow and ask, “Does it really help?”

“Yes,” Rin immediately answers, in a tone that sounds as if I’m disappointing the redhead by asking that question. “Of course it does! And it’s a relief to go a day with only dislocating something once or twice instead of almost twenty times, believe me.”

I chuckle telling him I belief him, but he’s being so serious it’s funny.

Rin gets up from bed and wanders towards the little kitchen counter that’s around the corner of the bathroom. It has a sink and a few cabinets that hold plastic cups, towels and bottles and boxes that look like they hold medication of some sorts in them.

“You’ll have to eat normal food, I think,” Rin explains while filling a metal carrying tray with all sorts of medical instruments. “But I have no idea if you have to get it yourself or it’s being brought to our room, because I don’t eat anything solid.”

I feel myself frowning, because even though by now he’s explained that his organs cannot digest any solid food, I’m still wondering how he can take his medication or even survive at all if he doesn’t eat normally.

“We’ll have to ask Nurse Kato when she gets here to check our vitals and stuff.”

When Rin finished filling up the carrying tray with all sorts of things, he walks back to his bed where he places the tray on our nightstand. He flops down onto the bed and doesn’t even seem to hesitate before pulling off his sleep-shirt.

I feel myself blushing when he reveals the pale skin that’s hiding underneath the shirt. Rin’s skinny and I can see his ribs through his almost translucent skin. He’s showing surgery scars as if they’re trophies.

I turn away in embarrassment, I’m used to seeing guys shirtless when swimming, but I’m not attracted to any of them in the slightest. But the way my cheeks are now coloring red must be because of Rin’s revealed chest.

My IV has been itching all the time, and since I need some distraction, I start playing with the line that runs towards my arm. It doesn’t distract me much as I’m not only sweating and blushing, but Rin also notices me playing with the IV within no time.

“You know you shouldn’t touch that, right?” his voice sounds, startling me.

“Y-yeah!” I stammer, squeaking like a mouse, before letting go of the line.

Rin giggles softly before turning to his morning routine again. He’s shaking a mix of something in a closed off cup while informing talking to me.

“So, did you sleep well?” Rin asks me, now pouring the formula into a bag.

I shrug, telling him I never sleep great so it wasn’t a surprise that I spend my first night in this bed twisting and turning all the time.

“I had that too at first,” he says. “You’ll get used to it.”

I don’t know if he’s referring to sleeping in a hospital bed, lying awake all night or suddenly being fully aware of all my joints with every turn I make, but he’s probably right no matter what he’s referring to.

Rin starts humming when there’s a silence. He hums silently as he attaches the bag to some sort of tiny machine and a tube to an entrance to his stomach.

When he’s sitting and doing whatever he’s doing, he looks at me again.

“So, what were you doing just now?” I ask, curious to know.

“Tube feeding,” he says and suddenly it makes sense; he’s not eating solid because he gets his nutrients and such from what he’s pumping into himself.

I chuckle at my own stupidity.

Like Rin doesn’t want to go too deep into that subject, he quickly says, “I’m going to meet up with my friends in a short while, would you like to join us?”

My eyebrows shoot up which make it seem like I didn’t expect Rin to have any friends, but it’s rather because I never even dared to dream he’d take me to his friends when the two of us barely know each other.

Rin sees my surprised expression and immediately adds, “But I get it if you’d rather stay in bed and rest and… it’s just they asked if they could meet my new roommate.”

I chuckle at his frantic stammering and answer his question by saying, “I would like to join you.” And I show him a little smile to make sure he knows I mean it.

He smiles back at me, showing small sharp teeth from behind his thin lips.

We do the rest of our morning routine, including asking Nurse Kato how I can get food to eat and of course making sure I’m even allowed out of bed already.

When I’m done eating, Rin shows me the way to the atrium which is downstairs.

It’s summer and normally I’d be swimming in an outside pool, but today that isn’t the case. I’m wandering through a hospital in full clothing _and_ a fluffy blanket wrapped around me.

The blanket I’m carrying around my shoulder drags over the ground and keeps me warm.

“Are you really _that_ cold?” Rin, who’s wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, asks with a concerned chuckle. “I mean, I know it’s colder in here than outside, but it’s still summer.”

I wrap the blanket around myself a little tighter and shiver to show Rin that I’m, in fact, extremely cold. I might have a fever and maybe it would’ve been better if I stayed in bed.

We reach the atrium, which is a little warmer than upstairs, because we’re closer to the entrance; warm outside air is being let in all the time.

“Hey Rin!” a high-pitched male voice greets the redhead that’s walking just in front of me.

The voice is soon followed by a short bald boy running towards Rin at full speed.

For a second I’m sure I’ll have to pick up a broken and bruised Rin from the floor, because someone as fragile-looking as Rin is sure to fall over when they collide with this fast kid.

But the kid slows down before pulling Rin into a hug, which reliefs me.

“Morning, Nagisa.” Rin rubs the head of the kid as if he’s tousling his non-existing hair.

I want to ask if Rin knows the kid, but I guess he does otherwise he wouldn’t act this familiar with him; hugging and tousling hair isn’t something you do to strangers, I think.

The kid’s dressed in pajamas, which makes it clear that he’s also probably a patient. His big, bright pink, eyes glare at me and I can see curiosity taking over his face completely when he reaches out to give me a hug as well.

I bounce back, unsure of what to do and what to think. Especially when the kid pouts at my reaction, I’m almost sure I’m going to make him cry.

“Oh, uhm.” Rin comes in between us. “Sousuke, this is Nagisa. He’s a friend of mine.”

The kid, Nagisa, looks at me and says, “Nice to meet you, Sou!”

I frown, thinking _why is this kid I don’t know calling me by a nickname?_

Rin nudges me, and his expression tells me to say something to Nagisa. So I say “hi” and Nagisa seems to approve that as a valid greeting because he chuckles and runs back in the direction he came from.

My gaze follows him to a bench filled with people. There’s almost no pace left for Rin and I.

“That’s Nagisa for you,” Rin mumbles, also looking at the kid as he flops onto the couch.

“Also a patient here?” I feel unsure about asking it, but I have to be sure before assuming.

Rin nods and chuckles awkwardly. “Yeah, do you even have to ask? All of them are.”

I look at the group and there are many ways to tell that they’re all different from anyone else. Nagisa’s completely bald, one of the other guys is paler than pale, another sits in a wheelchair and the last guy carries an oxygen tank around.

“We’re a weird group, but we’re close,” Rin explains as we walk towards the couch. “I know it might all be strange to you, but I trust you not to think of them as freaks.”

_I won’t,_ I promise him in silence. Of course, Nagisa is a little special; he looks like a fifteen-year-old but if you’d tell me he’s seven I’d belief you without thinking twice.

When we get closer and everyone introduces themselves to me, they all proof to have little quirks of their own.

“I’m Makoto Tachibana,” the tallest and palest guy tells me. “Nice to meet you, Sousuke. I’m so glad to see Rin finally has accepted a roommate.”

I glance over at Rin, who’s staring at the ground, clearly flustered.

The tall guy, Makoto, seems nice and probably looks the most healthy of all of us, apart from the fact that he’s carrying an IV-pole around. He’s clearly awkward and I can practically see him sweating when he turns to the guy beside him.

“And this is Haruka Nanase,” he says, introducing the guy in the wheelchair to me.

I wonder why Haruka isn’t introducing himself, but that question soon gets answered as Makoto, after silently asking his friend, tells me that Haruka’s mute.

After Makoto and Haruka’s introduction, this smart-looking guy with glasses greets me.

“I’m Rei Ryuugazaki,” he says, holding his hands closely to himself instead of trying to shake mine like Makoto did. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He sounds hoarse and a little snobbish, but he also sounds extremely kind like the rest of Rin’s friend group. They all seem so sweet and totally different from the people I’d usually be friends with. And like Rin said, it’s a weird mix of quirky people, but I get why he would befriend all of them.

Talking with them makes for an easy conversation, smooth and funny. They all have such strong personalities, which makes even a talk about food sound interesting.

I’m not a group person at all, but even though I felt a little awkward and out of place in such a close group of people, I felt great. I had the most fun I’ve had in years!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Rin isn't feeling well... is hide and seek really a good plan now?


	5. I'm Doing Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying he's fine, doesn't mean he actually is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyhey!
> 
> I'm now working on the ReiGisa story of Heartbeat Remix, since I finished writing I'm Unbreakable.  
> It's still a work in progress, and I'm only written two chapters of it so far, but I wanted to let you all know that I'll keep you updated on the ReiGisa story through some of my authorsnotes.  
> I don't know how long it will take before I'll be able to post it since I'm really busy with college right now. But I'll try to get the first chapter of the ReiGisa on before October 17th!  
> Expect chapters of I'm Unbreakable to keep coming every Sunday and Thursday as it is now :)
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

Tight chest and circling images; that’s what tonight felt like to me.

I didn’t sleep at all and when the curtains let the light in I feel like rising from the grave.

There are almost certainly bags underneath my eyes and I probably look like a zombie with my hair all greasy from sweating all night.

“Morning,” Sousuke says, sounding more awake than ever before. “How have you slept?”

Sousuke’s become more talkative over the days we’ve known each other, even though barely a week has passed. I almost know nothing personal about him, and he only knows about some of my medical history and day to day life during the past week.

“Not great,” I say, taking my hand up to my head to wipe away some sweat.

“Are you okay? Should I get Nurse Kato for you?” Sousuke asks worriedly.

I must have a fever, and probably something of an asthma attack coming up, because I feel so out of breath and sweaty. But I decide to keep an eye on it without having to worry Sousuke and fake a smile.

“Nah,” I lie, knowing that if I feel worse I can always go to the nurse’s office. “I’m fine, just low on energy, that’s all.”

It’s almost as if my own body also believed that it was only because I haven’t fed myself in a long while; after I eat I feel much better, and I’m even feeling like getting out of bed and giving Sousuke a tour of the hospital.

“You need to know where everything is,” I tell Sousuke while putting on a shirt after tube-feeding myself. “In case you’re administered to the hospital while I’m at home.”

Sousuke looks at me fearful and after that he chuckles and says, “It’s probably good to know the directions indeed… yeah.” His tone tells me that he’s not great with directions.

“Do you mind if my friends come with us?” I ask, but I don’t think Sousuke will mind. “I mean, I don’t know much about departments they know a lot about, you see?”

Sousuke nods and tells me he doesn’t mind at all.

Not much later we leave and gather with everyone in the atrium.

“I wanted to give Sousuke a tour,” I tell all of them. “The hospital is big and I can use your help with explaining everything correctly.”

Nagisa makes an enthusiastic squeak before suggesting that we do the tour in hide and seek form. “We’ll make duos and every round Sousuke will hide with another person that can explain something about the places they pass.”

I glance at Sousuke to see whether he’s okay with Nagisa’s idea. He’s looking serious and intimidating, as always, but I can see a smile tucking at the corners of his mouth.

“I think that would be a good idea,” Sousuke answers, glancing back at me. “Is it okay if I stay with Rin the first round?”

When his teal eyes meet mine, and he winks, I start blushing so hard, I have to look away if I don’t want to faint in this spot.

“Sure,” I mumble, frantically trying to cover my red cheeks with my arm.

Luckily Makoto’s voice causes Sousuke to look away from me. When Sousuke’s eyes move from me to Makoto, I feel left behind and I crave his teal eyes looking into mine again.

I practically have to remind me, then and there, that Makoto’s in a relationship with Haru and isn’t at all interested in Sousuke.

 _Why am I thinking this way?_ I wonder, not even listening to what they’re talking about in the meantime. _It’s not like I have feelings for Sousuke… right?_

At that thought by cheeks tone red again; I’ve never liked anyone before, so not then and not now, right? I shake my head, trying to get the thought to leave.

All eyes are suddenly turned to me.

 _Did they ask something?_ I’m screaming on the inside for spacing out like that.

“What?” I ask.

Rei’s hand rests on my shoulder within no time and he says, “You’re really a space agent lately, aren’t you?” He chuckles when my face gets even redder in embarrassment.

“Yeah, Rin!” Nagisa squeaks. “Come back to earth please!”

I bite the inside of my cheek, feeling so stupid for drifting off in my thoughts so often lately. I wonder if it has something to do with all of the sudden changes or if I’m just not feeling great today, but I honestly have no clue.

Makoto chuckles, and when I look in his direction he’s smiling wide. “Guys, please.” He turns to me and explains, “We were talking about the duos for the tour.”

I nod to show Makoto I am listening this time.

“Nagisa and Rei will form the searching team in round one,” Makoto tells me before laying his hand on Haru’s shoulder. “And Haru and I will be the other hiding team.” The two of them glance at each other lovingly.

“Alright,” I reply, glad that Makoto’s part of our group otherwise I’d never know what I missed while being lost in thoughts. “Can we start then?”

“Okay, everyone! I will count to one hundred!” Nagisa jumps in the air. “Now hide!”

Nagisa and Rei both close their eyes and I immediately take Sousuke’s hand in mine. I, carefully but quickly, drag him to the elevators.

I already know exactly where to take him. I’ve come to know little about Sousuke, but one of the few things I know is that he used to be a swimmer, a good one.

I want to show him the pool we have here, so in case he wants to swim, carefully during a hospital stay, he can. Also, because exercising is good for EDS, just not the dangerous sports like volleyball and basketball.

In the elevator we have a short time to catch our breath. I’m completely out of breath, but Sousuke still seems used to it and isn’t out of breath in the slightest.

“So, where are we going?” he asks.

I smirk while gasping for air.

“You will see,” I say in-between pants.

As soon as the doors of the elevator open on the second floor, I take hold of Sousuke’s hand again. I don’t know why, but it feels nice and this way I’m not afraid to lose him in the halls.

We quickly reach the sport and therapy area of the little village hospital.

I slide the door open, knowing we’re always allowed to go inside to exercise.

I’m completely out of breath, but I can see Sousuke’s reaction through my blurred vision.

His hand lets go of mine when he smells the chlorine and sees the clear water. I can practically see him shaking; I can hear him gasping in surprise.

“You have a pool here?” he says, turning around to me in a smooth motion.

His face is completely blurred, I can’t focus at all, and I can’t find out whether he’s smiling or crying. I try to force a smile while I search for his teal blue eyes, but my world is tilting.

My head hits something hard, soon followed by a deafening scream ringing in my ears.

I hear a voice, I feel something clenching my shoulder and it hurts when I feel something cracking underneath my skin. After that everything fades into nothingness.


	6. Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened!?

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

I can still hear myself yelling, clenching my hands around Rin’s shoulder and he shook heavily. He was gasping for air and he was slowly turning a purple-like pale.

Rin was lucky I was yelling so hard, because a nurse heard me and immediately came to see if everything was alright.

I had Rin pressed against my chest, in hope it would comfort him and it would make him stop hyperventilating, but nothing I did helped.

The nurse that walked in, eventually got Rin to wake up a little and when he wasn’t being too off the world anymore he told us he needed his inhaler.

Now, this happened hours ago, and they took Rin away for a couple of tests.

I know they think Rin had an asthma attack and Nurse Kato says Rin will be alright. Apparently this hasn’t been the first time Rin has overstepped his boundaries, because he likes to keep his pain for himself. I just feel stupid for not noticing earlier.

I lie on bed, my face buried in my hands so I don’t have to look at the empty room. I’m alone with my thoughts, and I feel miserable; I like Rin, like I feel something for him, and seeing what happened this morning made me realize that falling for a sick person means the chance of losing him increases so much.

I never thought seeing someone faint would be such shock. I didn’t know what to do, what to think and why I felt frozen in place. I can’t get the image of Rin falling to the ground, with a foolish smile on his face, out of my mind. I can’t think of anything but him.

I’ve been wanting to cry for hours, for days actually, but I can’t. Especially after what happened just now, I need to cry the fear and stress out.

I’m on the point of letting the tears fall, now I’m all alone, when the door slides open, my tears seem to practically suck back into my eyes.

I lower my hands and, when I look up, I look straight into two beautiful, and bright, red eyes. I immediately know to whom they belong; Rin.

Nurse Kato’s rolling him into the room in a wheelchair and I wonder if Rin’s so weak he can’t even stand on his own.

My mouth falls open when I see how terrible Rin actually looks. His eyes are circled with red smudges and his mouth hangs at the edges. I’ve never seen Rin look this sad in the past few days, and I hope I’ll never have to see him like this again.

When his eyes meet mine, his expression saddens even more before he glances away in an almost apologetic way. As if he’s telling me he’s sorry about fainting.

“I need you to stay in bed, okay, Rin?” Nurse Kato says to Rin, without even looking at me.

Rin nods, but I doubt he actually heard her; he looks like he’s falling asleep upright.

After that Nurse Kato helps Rin into bed, and it’s a long process that makes it clear to me that Rin is actually almost too weak to stand without Nurse Kato’s help. She also attaches Rin to the IV before telling him that he needs to let it know when he needs something.

When she’s left the room, I’m almost sure Rin doesn’t want to talk to me.

He’s lying on his back and blankly stares at the ceiling.

I watch him in silence, with every minute that passes feeling how my heart shrinks a little.

Suddenly a tear rolls down Rin’s cheek, shimmering in the evening sun, and he turns to me with bloodshot eyes.

“I’m so scared,” he whispers.

Before I even know what to say, a big amount of tears are running down his cheeks. He’s sobbing and taking his hands up to his face to wipe them away.

“I’m terrified, Sousuke.”

The way he speaks out my name, the way his voice cracks when he does, it makes my chest contract. I want to cry with him, but instead I stay strong and say, “It’s going to be okay.”

Rin’s eyes meet mine and he lets out another sob.

He clearly doesn’t belief me, he has every right not to, but it’s all I can get myself to say.

How else do you comfort someone who might die next month, or maybe even tomorrow, someone who knows they can die a horrible young death within days.

“I-I’m just so…” Rin’s voice trails off as he breaks into tears again. “… afraid.”

I find myself speechless, thinking _is this the real Rin? The one he hides away behind a smile?_

He’s sad and scared and broken, and he barely ever shows it yet I know he carries that part of him with him all the time. How painful must that be?

I don’t even know how bad he was feeling this morning, because he shrugged a night without a minute of rest off like it was nothing. I heard him crying after midnight last night, I heard him twisting and turning until the sun came up, and I didn’t bother to push a little harder to get him to tell me the truth; he was feeling miserable.

“Why are you so scared?” I ask, trying to get him to talk about what’s bothering him, even though it’s clear what he’s scared of. He’s probably scared of undergoing another surgery, of spending another few months in a hospital bed… he’s terrified of dying.

Rin lets out a wheeze-like-sob, closing his eyes instead of answering my question.

I try to encourage him, or calm him down, by saying, “It just was an asthma attack, wasn’t it?”

Rin’s eyes shoot open in fear, as if they didn’t tell him that it was an asthma attack like they told me, and his mouth opens a little.

“I don’t think it was _just_ an asthma attack,” he says, loud and clear so I can hear his worries.

I frown, my heart suddenly racing in my chest.

“What?” My voice is trembling and I wonder why _I_ am suddenly scared.

Rin looks away, his expression growing even gloomier.

“The test results weren’t looking great,” he whispers, his voice suddenly so silent and fragile.

He looks like he’s already with one foot in the grave, and who knows maybe he is. He has a right to be scared to death, but I wish he wouldn’t be in so much pain.

“Nurse Kato says we’ll do a few more tests tomorrow,” he explains without looking at me even once. “But I-I… it might be really bad.”

It feels like someone just punched me in the face. I feel mentally drained, just seeing Rin this sad and broken makes me want to cry; but I have to stay strong for Rin.

“You can do this,” I say, forcing a smile. “You’ve been doing this for so many years, right? I’m sure you can do this at least one more time.”

Rin looks at me and another tear drips from his chin onto his lap as he nods.

“I can do this,” he whispers, but his tone is barely convincing me that he actually beliefs that.

He looks away from me and repeats it again, louder this time. “I can do this.”

I smile, a cautious, but real one this time.

_He can do this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter;  
> Was it just an Asthma attack?   
> ...  
> ...  
> ...  
> Or something much worse?


	7. Sometimes Hearts Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Rin?   
> Was it really an Asthma attack, or something much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> Before we start, I have something important to tell you!  
> I'm also uploading chapters of "The Curse Of Having Too Much Time To Think About It", which is the ReiGisa story, so if you're interested in reading what happened in their past; Make sure to check it out after reading this chapter :)
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

This morning began early; blood samples had to be taken, x-rays and scans had to be made and oxygen levels, temperatures and pulse rates had to be measured.

None of the tests were fun, especially since a voice in the back of my mind kept saying that something can be very wrong; I might need to have another surgery, I might have to go to the ICU on life-support again… Hell, I might die.

I’m now hooked up to an IV-drip and covered in a massive amount of blankets to keep me warm. Gou’s seated on one side of the bed, mom sits on the other.

Mom looks exhausted and sad, I guess getting a sudden call from the hospital was enough to keep her up all night. Gou looks less tired, but I’ve always known she’s better with coping with my disease than mom is.

Mom whispers, “It’ll be okay.” while caressing the back of my hand. She doesn’t sound convincing at all, unlike Sousuke who got me to hope for the best; it _will_ be okay.

I want him to be here, waiting for the test results, with me. Not that I don’t like my sister and mom to be near, but I’d love to have his support in a moment like this one.

I’m surprised that I grew close to Sousuke in such a short time, within a few days sharing the same room I feel like we’ve been friends for years.

“Yeah,” I reply, my voice still hoarse from crying my eyes out all night long. I don’t belief myself either; I’m just saying it to calm down mom.

I know in how much pain she is, seeing me like this, and I can’t sit beside her in silence when she’s trying so desperately to not show her sadness. She’s grown stronger through the years, but I know with every new batch of bad news she breaks down as if she’s reliving my first diagnosis, dad’s death and my first time in the Intensive Care all over again.

I’m so glad Nurse Kato offered to call mom about today’s tests, because I wouldn’t have wanted to hear mom’s voice break when she was told that something might be wrong.

Mom’s hand jolts when the door slides open without a warning; it’s Nurse Kato.

“Do you have results?” Gou asks, she’s more hands-on than mom; better at hiding her pain even though she’s younger than me.

Nurse Kato closes her eyes briefly and then nods. Her expression doesn’t say much good, because she looks like she’s just seen _Up_ , _The Fault in Our Stars_ and _Inside Out_ in one watch; sad and mentally exhausted.

“So?” I barely hear myself talking, even though the room is completely silent now.

Nurse Kato takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. I have a hard time looking her in the eyes, because everything is trembling including my vision.

“Well,” she begins. “I have good and I have bad news.”

This is how she always begins when something is _not_ alright, so I find myself telling her that she can skip to the bad news immediately.

“I’m sorry to tell you that you have a leaky heart valve,” she says. “Your Aortic valve to be more specific. Your heart valve doesn’t close properly and because of this your heart pumps the blood less efficiently.”

I swallow, it sound serious, anything that happens to your heart can have a great impact on your body. Look at Makoto, he started with a simple heart problem and now has massive heart problems and kidney failure.

“Is it curable?” mom immediately asks.

Nurse Kato nods. “We can probably repair the valve, but we’ll have to do surgery. But it’ll be an open heart surgery, which comes with risks, of course.”

She’s looking at me, just like Gou and mom, and asks, “Do you want to undergo the surgery that’s needed?”

My hearts pounding in my chest and all I can think about are the risks of open heart surgery. It’s one of the more risky kinds of surgeries and I cannot belief I need one right now.

“What are the risks?” I ask, my voice is trembling so much.

“Well, I’ll have to give you a copy with all the details of the surgery,” she says. “But some of the risks are bleeding, valve dysfunction, infection or heart rhythm problems, there are probably more risks, but you’ll have to read the details for that.”

I feel my eyes getting bigger with every risk she lists. I know that it’s Nurse Kato’s job to inform me about the risks, so also the ones that I’d rather not hear right after hearing that I need to have the surgery, but I wish I hadn’t asked for the risks.

I nod slowly and ask, “Do I really need the surgery?”

It’s a risky question, because Nurse Kato wouldn’t suggest a life threatening surgery when I didn’t need it, but I need to know for sure.

“What are the risks when leaving it untreated?”

Nurse Kato bites the inside of her cheek, looking worried and almost like she pities me. She opens her mouth, clenching the files she’s holding. “Leaving it unrepaired could cause heart failure, heart rhythm abnormalities or infections.” She pauses.

Her eyes meet mine and I already know what she’s going to say, and she does. “It could kill you if we don’t treat this, Rin.”

I flinch, fear running through my veins; I need this surgery. I’ve had many surgeries in my life, but not one that was as risky as this one. I might die, whether we treat it or not.

I can feel mom’s eyes glaring at me, already tearing up at the idea of me dying at such young age. Gou’s eyes are also fixated on me, but I can see in the corner of my eyes that she’s not ready to cry and more ready to fight for my life, or so it seems.

“I’ll have the surgery,” I tell Nurse Kato.

My hands are trembling and I’d much rather tell her to just put me on different medication and see if it goes away without surgery; I can’t do that when my life’s on the line.

Nurse Kato nods, smiling softly and calming, before she says, “We’ll go through the details, and try to schedule your surgery for over two days.”

“Why two days? Why not tomorrow?” I ask, confused about why she says I need the surgery, but doesn’t schedule it as early as possible.

Her gaze meets mine, she looks apologetic when she says, “Just so you can take a good rest.”

I nod in reply, but I know that she’s lying. I can see the fear in her eyes too, because even though she has had many patients so far, she cares about every one of her patients.

I look away, trying to hold back tears; I have to stay strong, for mom and for Gou, but I already know that I’ll probably spend the next hours crying.

Mom wraps her hand around mine even tighter this time. She squeezes it like she did when I got my first diagnosis, and my second and third; every time something worse seemed to happen to our family she’d take my hand in hers and squeeze it softly.

I know now that I’m not the only one that feels that Nurse Kato’s lying. We all know what she wanted, but couldn’t, say to me.

_Tomorrow is meant for goodbyes_ , I tell myself because Nurse Kato couldn’t.

I close my eyes and squeeze mom’s hand back.

_Just in case I won’t make it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Sousuke finds out about Rin's surgery...


	8. Heard You Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke finds out about what's really going on with Rin...

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

****

A _whoosh_ followed by a loud _bang_ ; that’s what I woke up to after trying to fall asleep in the middle on the day.

My eyes shoot open and light enters my brain with a lot of force. For a moment I’m completely blinded, I can only hear what’s going on around me. I hear the clattering of something that, probably, is colliding with the floor.

There are loud and deafening screams by the time my vision starts to return. I recognize that screaming voice, it’s high pitched and hoarse, it clearly belongs to Rin; this makes me realize that Rin probably has bad news.

When I’m finally able to see again, I see Rin sitting on the floor surrounded by pillows and an IV stand that he has clearly thrown over in anger.

He immediately winces when his bloodshot eyes meet mine. When his cheeks get even redder than they already were, I realize he must be embarrassed about showing me the real Rin. This is a side of him I don’t think many people have seen.

“Are you okay?” I ask, even though I already know the answer to my question.

Rin shakes his head and releases another sob. He takes his hands to his face and hides behind them when he starts crying even harder than he already was.

I can’t keep my curiosity to myself, or is it worry that’s causing me to ask Rin, “What happened?” while I can clearly see that he’s not in the mood to talk.

Rin doesn’t reply immediately, he’s too busy trying to stop himself from crying. But when he tries to reply he can’t get much more than “I… I…” out of his mouth.

I get out of bed, which I know I should’ve done from the start, and walk up to Rin. He’s still sitting on the ground, his face in his hands.

I crouch down beside Rin and wrap my arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a hug while he starts sobbing again. His body jolts in my arms and against my chest, I wish I knew how to calm him down better than just trying to hug him.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I whisper while pressing my nose into Rin’s hair.

Rin shakes his head and, into his hands, he mumbles, “I’m done.”

I frown, confused by the sudden negativity that Rin is showing me; he’s been so optimistic up to now. He showed himself to me with a smile and positivity, but now… I barely recognize his voice right now.

“What?” I reply, the doubt and fear can be heard in my tone.

Rin shifts and buries his face into my thick pajama. I can feel him breathing against my chest and I can feel his mouth moving when he says, “I don’t want another surgery.”

 _Surgery?_ I ask myself, I didn’t hear Rin mention a surgery before. I knew he thought it hadn’t just been an asthma attack, but I didn’t know it was this bad.

“What surgery?” I ask.

“Open heart surgery.” He lets out a trembling sob. “To repair heart valves.”

I rub Rin’s back while trying to stay calm myself; An open heart surgery always comes with tons of risks and I’m sure that Rin’s aware of that too.

“I’m done,” he sobs into my shirt.

I take his shoulders in my hands and carefully push him back until I can look him in the eye.

His face is red and blotched and completely devastating to look at.

“You’re going to be okay,” I say, loud and clearly articulated so he can’t possibly misunderstand what I’m saying. “You’re going to have this surgery, and you will be okay.”

Rin chuckles in disbelief and as his eyes shoot across the room I notice a scrunched up piece of paper lying next to a pillow. I reach for it and fold it open.

It’s a file with all of the surgery’s details, including the risks. I immediately read the risks, now suddenly getting Rin’s emotional mood even more.

The first few risks aren’t that bad, as they just are common risks of having any surgery, but when I read the last two I’m ready to cry too; Stroke and even death might occur during or after surgery, it says as if it’s the most common thing ever.

Underneath all the information there are a few places where someone should sign their name. Rin’s caregiver has clearly given permission for the surgery to proceed, but Rin’s slot is still empty which means he doesn’t agree.

“I don’t want to do it,” he mumbles. “I really don’t.”

I hold the piece of paper in my hand, and I notice I’m shaking more than ever before.

“What happens if you don’t undergo the surgery?” I want to know, because if he has a bigger chance at survival, why would he still do this?

Rin starts crying again and whispers, “I might die too.”

I briefly close my eyes so I can think, but it’s like a cloud is keeping me from thinking.

We sit there like that, in silence, for god knows how long when Rin suddenly whispers, “I’m just scared, because I don’t know what to do.”

I open my eyes and nod, to show him that I understand, before telling him that I think he should go for it. “Undergo the surgery, it says…” I take look down at the piece of paper that I’m still clenching in my hand. “… Over ninety per cent.”

It’s a risk, of course, and I’m also terrified of losing Rin to something like this.

“You’re strong,” I tell him, wrapping my arm around his shoulder without even thinking. “I know you can do this, you’ll be okay.”

Rin nods, slowly and doubtfully, before turning to me again. His eyes are full of fear and I can tell he’s still hesitating. Even when he reaches out and gets the piece of paper from me, I can see he’s not sure.

I get up and saunters towards his bedside table, where he gets a pen from the drawer.

It takes me a moment to realize what Rin’s doing right now; he’s signing the file, so the surgery can proceed to be scheduled for over two days.

He looks up at me, tears in his eyes, and says, “I’m going to do this.”

I nod and force a smile, even though my heart is pounding in my chest. I hope he’ll be okay, and I tell him that I know that he will be okay, while it’s just what I tell myself so I don’t have to worry about the first real friend I ever made. But that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified that something will go wrong… because I am.

I just hope it won’t, I just hope Rin will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter:  
> A swimming date to take his mind off of the surgery.


	9. If We Have Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a swim, that's what they do to take Rin's mind off the surgery.

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

The view of the garden with cherry blossom trees seems to be all I’ll see today.

I’m lying on the windowsill on one side of the large window. Sousuke’s on the other side, making funny faces as he talks about some things that might cheer me up.

“So, we have a restaurant, or my cousin does,” he explains, as a reply to a question that I’ve asked him just now. “It’s delicious food, honestly.”

I asked him about his family, but parents seemed to be a topic he didn’t want to speak about. Who, I realized, haven’t even visited their son even once.

“But I can cook pretty good myself!” he says with a smile.

I don’t actually belief Sousuke, he doesn’t look like the kind of guy that’d be good in the kitchen if I’m being honest. I lift one of my eyebrows and we both burst into laughter.

“No really,” Sousuke says in between laughs, trying to keep a serious look on his face. “I should cook for you some day, so I can proof you I’m right.”

I smile at the thought of eating something that Sousuke cooked, but then reality comes back to me; I can’t stand any food at all. My smile falters, making Sousuke aware of his mistake.

“Oh, shit,” he whispers and his face turns completely red. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

I force a smile back onto my face and say, “It’s okay.”

I don’t actually mind him making mistakes, because if Sousuke acts like nothing’s wrong I feel that way too. It’s not as weird and sad when we just ignore the fact that we’re in a hospital and my intestines can’t handle any food, and my connective tissues suck, and my lungs too. I don’t mind taking my mind off the fact that tomorrow I’ll be undergoing a risky surgery. That’s why I smile, because I like it this way.

“So, you’re good at cooking?” I ask to break the silence and lead away from the awkwardness that’s hanging in the air. “What more are you good at?”

Sousuke’s smile returns, he even gives me a glance at his white teeth this time.

“I love swimming, it’s my passion!” he says, waving his hand in the air enthusiastically. That is, until we hear a soft crack and he grimaces. “I mean, if I’m still able to swim.”

His face grows gloomy, which happens when someone finds out that they might not be able to keep doing the thing they love the most in the world. But in his case he would be considered lucky; someone with EDS is allowed to swim.

“I mean, you can still swim, you know?” I ask, but it feels more like explaining. “Not competitive, probably, but you don’t have to completely give up on swimming.”

I’ve read that on a website when I was just diagnosed. They say someone with EDS isn’t allowed to do dangerous sports like basketball, rugby or martial arts, but they can easily do sports like swimming and running if they’re careful.

Sousuke’s eyes get bigger in surprise and his lips part lightly. “Really?”

I nod while grinning wide.

“You remember the pool I showed you,” I ask. “This is the reason I wanted to show the pool to you that day.”

Sousuke smiles at me and his cheeks get a little red.

“We can go there,” I suggest.

“You mean now?”

I nod and tell him that it might be now or never. After telling him that I suddenly really want to go swimming too, even though I’ve never learned how, but maybe watching Sousuke swim will be enough for now.

Sousuke hasn’t even fully answered to the question and I’m already getting up.

“Wow, you really mean _now_!” Sousuke says while also getting on his feet and following me to the door. “Shouldn’t we get Nagisa and Makoto and the rest too?”

I don’t hesitate, I just shake my head. For some unknown reason I want to be alone with Sousuke now, just some time with the two of us.

“Haruka can’t swim, neither can Nagisa,” I answer while wandering into the hallway. “It would be unfair to them if we’d go swimming.”

I say this, while I can’t swim either, but I don’t mind sitting on the edge of the pool.

I take Sousuke to the pool, having to drag him away from taking the wrong turn four times, and this time I don’t faint when the smell of chlorine enters my nose.

Sousuke seems to be in his element, because he doesn’t hesitate even once before walking towards the pool while taking off his shirt. It’s when he’s getting ready to take off his sweatpants that he must realize he isn’t wearing a swimsuit, because he suddenly freezes.

“Uhm…” His voice is silent, almost like a whisper. “Are you sure we can swim here? And you don’t mind if I, like, swim in my normal underwear… right?”

I snicker and tell him that “yes, we can swim here” and “no, I don’t mind”. To proof that I have no problems with any of it, I pretend to plan on going in the pool too, by taking off my shirt and sweatpants too until I’m standing in my underwear myself.

We’re both blushing when we make short eye contact and I find it hard not to look at Sousuke’s well trained body. Luckily he doesn’t stay out of the water for long and I don’t have to force myself to look at his eyes only.

“This is amazing,” Sousuke says, carefully swimming through the water while I stand on the side of the pool. “Aren’t you getting in?”

I shake my head. I’m a little embarrassed about having to confess that I’ve never been taught how to swim, but I’ll have to tell him now.

“So, about that,” I whisper, my cheeks already glowing red probably. “I can’t swim.”

Sousuke frowns, clearly confused about why I asked him to go swimming with me in the first place. His mouth carefully opens and he asks, “You never learned?”

I shake my head.

“I’ll just sit on the edge,” I tell him, getting ready to just dip my feet in the water. “I don’t mind, you just swim.”

Sousuke shakes his head and says, “No, no, no.”

“What, no?”

Sousuke chuckles and swims to where I’m sitting on the edge of the pool. “You can’t _not_ swim at least once in your life.” Hand warm hands rest on my legs. “I’ll help you.”

A grin erupts on my face at the thought of swimming for real and I immediately nod.

Sousuke helps me into the pool in once smooth movement, it’s like a weigh nothing in comparing to what he’s used to lifting, and suddenly I’m in the pool with my entire body.

The water’s lukewarm, the perfect temperature, and when my chest softly grazes against Sousuke’s everything suddenly feels warmer.

“You’re okay, right?” Sousuke asks. “Tell me when you want to get out.”

I don’t reply, I’m too busy with not starting to blush so hard that my head will explode.

I must look like I’m on the verge of fainting, because Sousuke sounds worried when he asks, “Hey, Rin, answer please.” His hands squeeze my middle, making butterflies erupt in my stomach. “Rin? Are you okay?”

I look up until I meet his teal eyes. My cheek turn red, I’ve lost control and we’re too close to regain the strength to not show my feelings for him.

I give in and lean closer until I feel Sousuke’s lips against mine. It’s so sudden neither of us have time to think, but within no time Sousuke’s kissing me back.

It feels like he has done this before, his lips move over mine smoothly and it feels great. He tastes like something sweet, and I soon realize it’s the first time in months that I taste sweetness. And his arms are calming resting on my waste, they keep me afloat.

The next time I open my eyes is when our lips are parting.

Sousuke’s cheeks are colored the brightest pink and it runs up to the top of his ears. He immediately looks away when our eyes meet, as if he’s ashamed of what happened.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I-I didn’t even know if you’re ga--.”

I press my lips onto his again, because I don’t want him to apologize. Because I like him. Because he’s my first love ever. And because I want him to know that I want him beside me when I go in for the surgery tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Rin needs to get ready...   
> and seeing him say "goodbye" isn't easy on Sousuke.


	10. Before You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin has to say goodbye, and seeing it is heartbreaking for Sousuke...

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

****

Today’s a strange and terrifying day in many different ways.

Not only did Rin kiss me yesterday, and did I find out that he apparently is also into me, he also has his open heart surgery today. As if these two things don’t make today scary enough, I’m also meeting Rin’s mother and sister not even twenty four hours after our first kiss.

That’s why I’m now searching through my suitcase, searching for something decent to throw on while my cousin only brought me some plain t-shirts, sweaters and sweatpants to wear.

“Here!” Rin shouts from behind me and when I turn around I see something coming at me at full speed. I try to catch whatever’s coming my way, but I miss and it lands on my face.

It’s some kind of fabric, pink and bright, and when I peel it off my face I see a cartoony koala on the middle of the t-shirt.

“How? Where did you even get this?” I ask, hearing Rin snickering from the bathroom.

Rin peeks around the corner with a grin on his face. “Who cares? Just put it on.”

I frown at the smiling koala and wonder why Rin wants me to wear this when I go with him before the surgery starts.

“Come on, Sousuke! Put the damn shirt on.” Rin yells from the bathroom again. “I don’t want you to scare my little sister with your scary face!”

A sudden burst of laughter escapes from my mouth and I feel relieved in some way. I have been tense this entire morning so far, Rin even more so, and this lightens up our mood.

After I pull on the ridiculous shirt Rin threw at me, we leave his room so we can pick up Nagisa, Rei, Haruka and Makoto so they can also wait in the waiting room outside of the surgery room.

They’re waiting in our usual spot, but they’re not yet informed about the surgery since Rin wanted to be alone with me yesterday and therefore hasn’t told them yet.

Nagisa runs up to us within a few seconds.

His face saddens when he sees Rin glaring at the floor. It’s clear that everyone notices that Rin’s extremely nervous about today.

“Is something wrong?” Makoto asks in a worried tone, while walking up to us.

“Yeah, Rin,” Nagisa adds. “You look very sad.”

Rin takes a deep breath, a long and almost wheezing-sounding one, before saying, “I have an open heart surgery today.”

Makoto’s eyes are the first to get big in fear and disbelief. His mouth opens as well and his eyes shoot from Rin to me, and to the rest of the group who’re also staring at Rin, and back to Rin again.

“What! Why?” Makoto asks.

Rin swallows audibly and I immediately wrap my hand around his. It’s cold and Rin is shaking so badly I can barely keep hold of his hand.

“Leaky valve,” Rin tells the group of confused teens.

Makoto seems to be the only who understands what a leaky valve means, and he looks at Rin as if Rin just told him he’s going to die for sure.

“I’ll be going into surgery in a couple of minutes,” Rin says when everyone stays silent. “But I just wanted to know.”

They don’t say anything, but they all seem to have the same idea; they all pull Rin into a tight group hug. When someone’s arm also wraps around my back and all our heads are pressed together it feels like they’re having a conversation without even talking.

It’s like they’re telling Rin it’s going to be okay without having to say a thing, and it’s like they’re praying for him without having to bow.

But as soon as the hug ends and everyone steps back into their own personal spaces, words are needed again. And because they’re such close friends, the needed words are spoken within seconds after the hug.

“You can do this!” Nagisa says with a wide smile.

Rei smiles too and tells Rin he’s sure it’ll be alright, that mathematically speaking Rin has a huge change of being completely alright after the surgery.

Haruka gives Rin a slight nod, not showing emotions or saying anything, but we all seem to know that Haruka’s hoping that everything will be all right like everyone else.

“We’ll be waiting for you when you wake up,” Makoto says with a kind smile.

I turn to look at Rin, and find him holding back tears and failing miserably. His face is all puffy and wet already and if Nurse Kato didn’t show up at that exact moment I’m sure he would’ve spilled many more tears.

“Sorry, I’m going to have to borrow Rin from you,” Nurse Kato says with an apologetic smile.

She seems sad to but, when she looks at Rin, I also see confidence in her eyes.

Rin nods, turning around to us with pleading eyes; he wants us to come with him.

We walk all the way to the second floor, where there’s a big waiting area in front of the doors that lead to the surgery rooms. This is where Rin’s family’s also waiting.

I seem to spot Rin’s mother and sister before he does, he’s too busy staring into the distance to notice his mother walking up to him. She immediately pulls her son into a hug.

Rin looks a lot like his mother, I immediately notice, they have the same hair. Still Rin’s facial features must be from him father, but I probably won’t ever find that out.

Rin’s little sister is also there, but she’s much older than I expected her to be. She’s at least fifteen years old and has the same long, maroon colored hair and red eyes as Rin; she does have the soft facial features of their mother though.

Rin’s little sister gives every one of the guys from Rin’s friend group a hug, which makes me realize that she’s visited her bother in the hospital so many times that she already knows all of his friends so well.

“Hey, you must be Sousuke,” Rin’s sister says when she turns to me. “I’m Gou, Rin’s sister.”

I smile, trying not to make my face look scary, and reply by telling her that I’m Sousuke indeed. I wonder how she knows my name, and if that means that Rin has already told his little sister about me… about us.

Rin’s mother also introduces herself to me, but not to the group, meaning everyone knows Rin’s friends who make me wonder how long they’ve been friends for.

Yet, I can’t think about that right now; Rin’s getting ready to walk through the doors and into the area where we can’t follow him anymore. 

We all follow Rin and Nurse Kato to the surgery room as far as we possibly can. But when we reach the two wooden doors that lead to the in-patient surgery department we have to part ways for now.

Nagisa, Rei, Makoto, Haruka and I have to wait in this waiting room for a couple of hours until Rin, hopefully, wakes up from his anesthetics. And Gou and Rin’s mother can follow him into the surgery area until Rin’s asleep.

Rin turns around to us, tears in his eyes, and forces a smile onto his face.

I watch as everyone gives Rin a hug one after the other, not knowing what to do myself. And when Rin’s finally facing me, he’s crying, and I don’t know what to say to him.

Before I can think about what to say and what to do, I’m being pulled into a hug again. It isn’t one of the other guys that’s forming a group hug, it’s just Rin.

Rin’s hands are wrapped around me tightly and he gives me a short kiss on my cheek when he backs up. We hold hands a little longer.

His hands are cold and trembling and I don’t want to let go of him. And I don’t want him to let go of me, but he has to let go and leave so he can safe his heart.

His hands slide off mine and fall to his side as he says, “Bye.”

_Bye for now,_ I reply in my head, but just like everybody else I don’t dare to say anything.

Rin turns around and walks away, through the doors and down the hallway until we can’t see him anymore.

I still feel his hand on mine, but he’s not here anymore. I ball my hands into fists and grunt; I’m mad at myself for not saying anything, for not giving him a kiss or hugging him a little longer. I’m so mad at myself, because it might be my last change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter:  
> "Goodbye mom...  
> goodbye Gou...  
> I hope I'll see you again..."


	11. Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say Goodbye... it says enough

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

The bright surgery lights make my eyes tear up. At least that’s what I want to belief, but it’s not the bright light that causes me to cry; it’s the fact that I might die today.

I’m scared, terrified even and I’m trembling while lying on the bed in the surgery room.

I’m about to go under general anesthetics any moment, even going under general has its risks for me, and after that they’ll start trying to repair my heart.

I know the risks, but right now I wish I didn’t; I’m so worked up I don’t even know if the anesthetics will work on me anymore.

I remember feeling like this before my first surgery ever. It was only a small one, but I can clearly recall being terrified of going under general.

Gou was crying when I went into my first surgery, and I remember dad was standing next to mom when everything started to get blurry. That was one of the last times I saw dad, but that isn’t the only reason why today is totally different from years ago.

This time there’s real risks, ones that can affect me much more badly than maybe having a more severe ache if it doesn’t work out well.

Mom’s trembling while holding my hand, and to opposite of last time she’s holding back tears this time because she knows there are big risks to this surgery. And this time I’m not the one comforting my little sister; it’s the other way around.

Gou’s hand is wrapped around mine and she’s whispering, “You’re going to be okay.” Over and over again and I want to belief her, but deep down I don’t.

Never has a surgery gone wrong badly, so feel like I shouldn’t be this scared.

Another tear runs down my cheek and I want to run away from everything for the first time in my entire life; never have I hated being sick this much.

I’ve always kind of liked the hospital life, even though I’m not capable of doing the things a normal seventeen-year-old would be able to I’m happy. I spend most of my time away from my family, at the hospital, but I have friends and now even someone I love here.

My life at the hospital, it’s the best life I could’ve ever asked for, but I suddenly feel like I can see the end of it approaching me.

A sob escapes from my mouth.

“I don’t want it all to end,” I whisper, but what I didn’t realize is that everyone can hear me.

I look at mom and Gou’s shocked expression through my tears. The way their eyes are filled with sadness and worry and empathy, it hurts me even more.

I can tell they’re holding back tears; refusing to be weak when, according to them, I need someone strong.

Gou squeezes my hand tightly while mom’s rubbing her hand over my shoulder over and over again. As they do that, I can’t hold back the tears so, even when the doctor I’ve never seen before tells me to calm down, I keep crying without pausing even once.

I hate it, because I liked having to calm down Gou more than having her calm down me. It’s probably because I feel extremely guilty for making my family go through so many bad stuff.

And now I can see them taking out the mask that’ll put me under general, which means it’s really time to say goodbye to them now.

I panic, opening my mouth and saying, “Mom, if I die, promise you won’t be sad!”

Mom’s eyes fill up with tears and her lips tremble as she keeps rubbing my shoulder.

I turn to Gou and say, “Gou, help mom out in the house. Keep going to school and stay healthy! Oh, don’t go out with the wrong people, okay?”

Gou tries to chuckle, as if I’m joking, but her voice cracks and she too loses her strength and starts crying just like mom and me.

I bite the inside of my cheek and let out a soft whine.

“Promise you tell the guys to keep up with their medication, especially their antidepressants!” I demand through my sobbing. “They can’t get depressed or sad, I need them to go on with their lives and get better.”

Mom opens her mouth to say something, but I don’t give her a change to interrupt me. If I don’t survive this, I want to have said a proper goodbye. Because I know how hard it is when someone just leaves this life without telling anyone goodbye.

“Remember that I love you, mom. And Gou, you’ll always be my little sister and I’ll always be a protective older brother. So no dating until you’re twenty, okay?” I go on without pausing even once. I could go on for hours, even if it’s just so they can’t place the mask on my face.

But after a few minutes of talking, I start to stammer and sob so badly, mom has to tell me to stop talking and calm down.

“Listen to me, Rin,” she whispers, her mouth only centimeters away from my ear. “I love you, you know that, right?”

I nod once and immediately reply, “I love you too, mom.”

Mom smiles and lightly squeezes my shoulder. “But you don’t have to say goodbye.”

I open my mouth, wanting to speak up to her.

She doesn’t leave me any time to say something, instead she asks me if I know why I don’t have to say goodbye. I have to shake my head.

“Because you’re my son. My strong boy,” she whispers and I can practically hear her smiling through her tears. “And you are going to survive this.”

My chest jolts and I start crying again, and I nod and tell her that I’ll try to be strong.

After that I force myself to stop crying and tell the doctor that I’m ready.

Before I know it the mask is being placed over my mouth and I have to count to ten.

“One,” I say, quickly followed by two.

I keep my eyes wide open, still not wanting to go to sleep by the time I say, “Three.”

When the number four leaves my mouth everything’s starting to happen in slow-motion.

It’s when I mumble, “Five” that something important rushes into my mind.

I’m almost falling asleep, but I get myself to keep my eyes open a little longer.

With all of my strength I open my mouth and turn to look at mom.

“Tell Sousuke I love him,” I whisper, closing my eyes briefly.

By the time I open my eyes again everything’s hazy and cloudy. My mind is confused, because where am I again and why am I feeling so numb.

The world starts spinning before I even come up with a reason why.

And I’m completely gone before I’ve even thought my potential last thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Is playing games really the best way to pass the time when your friend is undergoing a surgery...?


	12. Don't Want To Lose You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is playing games really the best way to keep your mind off your friend's dangerous surgery?

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

****

The cup of coffee in my hands isn’t enough to satisfy me.

I want to hold Rin’s hands, I want to go to bed knowing he’s safe tonight, but I can’t.

Rin’s been in the surgery room for two hours and they could be done within a few minutes from now, or a couple of hours even.

My back is starting to hurt from sitting on a chair so long, and after drinking six cups of coffee and playing a couple of games stress is slowly starting to take over.

“Sou, your turn!” Nagisa’s voice wakes me up from my thoughts.

I’ve got cards in my hands, but I can barely concentrate on the game we’re playing. I think we were playing a game of hearts, but I’m not entirely sure.

“Sorry, what’s played?” I mumble, taking another big gulp of my coffee.

“I played a seven of hearts,” Gou says.

I play my lowest heart, but I still get the cards that have been thrown on the table.

I sigh, not wanting to continue the game.

Makoto seems to notice and lays down his hand of cards. His eyes meet mine shortly before he says, “Let’s play a game that doesn’t requires this much thinking.”

Everyone seems to agree, and after all this game is so boring that no one really seems distracted from what’s going on.

“Does anyone know a different game?” Rei asks. “We’ve already done most things.”

He’s right, we’ve done everything varying from Truth or Dare to Crazy Eights.

Nagisa jumps up from his chair and smiles. “Let’s do Charades!”

It’s clear that he needs to let out his energy after doing a few games that required lots of thinking and sitting still. I think a more active game would be more distractive.

“Okay, who begins?” Rei asks.

Nagisa immediately jumps up and smiles wide. “I know a good one!”

I’m surprised by how unfazed Nagisa is with Rin’s surgery, but then again he’s probably used to either himself or friends going into life threatening surgeries.

“Okay!” Nagisa says as loud as he possibly can, even though there’s a sign across the room that tells us to be as silent as a mouse. Nagisa smiles at the group one more time before wobbling from side to side, as if walking with his legs taped together.

“A chicken!” Gou immediately yells.

“No, a swing!” Makoto corrects Gou, obviously saying the wrong answer.

I don’t know what Nagisa is trying to impersonate, but Rei seems to know. He straightens his glasses and grins while he says, “It’s a penguin for sure.”

“Yep!” Nagisa squeaks happily as he jumps onto the chair next to Rei’s again.

You’d think, because Rei guessed the answer, Rei would have to lead the next round. But Nagisa decides that Haruka’s up next.

For someone who’s probably used to using gestures to get his emotions and needs to others, Haruka’s extremely bad at Charades.

After three failed tries at making us guess what he's impersonating, he decided to give up.

Suddenly it's my turn to play and I stand up from my seat.

When I'm standing in front of everyone I can see how hard of a time they're actually having. It's hard to see from the side, but I can clearly see worry on every individual's face and it hurts to see them like this.

I, too, am having a hard time keeping my mind off of Rin's surgery, but I have to be strong. For Rin, and for myself, but also for his friends.

I close my eyes briefly, trying to think of an animal or thing to impersonate and eventually come up with something; A butterfly, because I used to swim the Butterfly stroke.

Imitating a butterfly quickly proofs itself to be difficult and no one guesses right. Makoto guesses that it's a bird, while Nagisa is convinced it's a fish.

It's when Gou yells, "Rin's nurse Kato!" that I get really confused.

I frown, wanting to ask why she thinks I would be imitating Nurse Kato, and why she apparently looks like a butterfly. But then I see the looks on everyone's faces; curious, worried and happy at the same time.

I turn around and see Nurse Kato walking towards us. She has a worried look on her face, but I know that's her resting face.

"How's Rin?" Gou immediately asks, you can see that she's the one most worried about Rin; even more worried than their mother. "Is he okay?"

Nurse Kato doesn't look at us, she's clearly focussed on telling Gou and Rin's mother first.

"The surgery..." She pauses, and I don't know whether she really is thinking about what to say or she just wants to be dramatic. "It was a success."

The waiting room fills itself with wide smiles and squeaks of happiness. I get pulled into another group hug and let out a relieved chuckle as well.

Rin is going to be okay! It sounds like a symphony to me, one that gives me all the happiness in the world.

When everyone has calmed down a little again, Nurse Kato's smile fades a little. "But he'll have to recover on the Intensive Care for a couple of days."

I nod; it's understandable, this must've been a heavy surgery and it'll take a while to fully recover from it.

I'm just happy everything went well, and in a while I'll be able to see Rin again. I'll make sure to kiss him and hold his hand for longer than I held it last time, and I'll make sure to tell him I love him.

"When can we see Rin again?" Nagisa asks, he seems to be the only one of us that isn't smiling wide; even Haruka is smiling, which is special.

When Nurse Kato tells Nagisa that we can see Rin as soon as he's out of the IC, a smile also erupts on Nagisa's face.

Nurse Kato turns back to Gou and Miss Matsuoka and says, "Rin's waking up from the anesthetics, I think it'd be best if you're by his side when he does."

After that they leave the waiting room and suddenly everyone is silent.

It’s almost as if everyone’s taking in what we just heard. I’m sure everyone is happy about it, but it’s also a lot to process.

Strangely it’s Makoto who’s first to break the silence, not Nagisa like I had expected.

“I’m so happy Rin’s okay,” Makoto says. “I think we should show him that we are.”

“Let’s make a banner!” Nagisa immediately replies. “Oh, and decorate his room!”

Suddenly all eyes are fixated on me; Rin and I do share a room after all.

“I don’t know if we can do that,” I tell them, because I have no clue what the hospital’s rules are for situations like this. I turn to Makoto and ask, “Can we do that?”

Makoto smiles and glances at Nagisa, who nods cheerfully.

“Of course we can!” Nagisa says, and when our eyes meet he winks. “I have connections.”

I feel myself smiling for the first time in hours. As I let happiness take over, I think

_We’re going to give Rin the best ‘welcome back’ gift ever!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Some people say weird shit when drugged up on painkillers and aneastetics...   
> Rin is one of them.


	13. Save Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people say weird shit when getting out of aneastetics... Rin's one of them

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

****

You’d think that after waking up in the IC I’d be used to it by now; the headache, the different bed and sound of ventilators, the bright sunlight that reflects from the sterile white walls and the numb feeling in your bones.

But when I feel that, I know one thing; I survived.

The realization is weird, because I didn’t expect to wake up again, but still it feels like a déjà. I’m almost sure I woke up yesterday, but I can’t remember any of it.

It feels like I’m opening my eyes for the first time in months, that’s how heavy they are, but when I look into the room I’m sure I’ve seen it before.

Mom’s sleeping in a chair, her head resting on my stomach. Gou’s lying on the extra bed, and even though I’m sure Gou asked mom to take the bed, mom must’ve shrugged it off like three weeks of having a hurting back isn’t anything to worry about.

But I won’t lecture either of them about it, because I’m glad I’m even still here. And mom is sleeping anyway, she could’ve also been wide awake if it was up to her.

I have to wake her up though, because we need to talk everything over with Nurse Kato. I need to know if the surgery went completely well, or I just survived because of luck and it didn’t actually solve anything at all. I need to know every detail.

I groan when moving, because I feel a sting shooting through my chest.

It’s a strange feeling, indescribable, a fierce and present pain.

“Oh, you’re awake,” a tired female voice asks me, and I immediately recognize it’s my mom.

My groaning and moving must’ve woke her up.

“Yeah,” I whisper, in hope to not wake Gou up. “We better go get Nurse Kato.”

Mom nods in an instance, making an agreeing sound before getting up. She knocks her knee against the side of my bed while standing up from her seat.

“Shit,” she mumbles underneath her breath on her way to the door.

A groan sounds from the bed besides me and I soon realize that mom and I must’ve woken Gou up. She was sleeping so deep, but apparently not deep enough to snore through mom’s clumsiness.

“Morning, Gou,” I say, only now noticing how hoarse and crackly my voice sounds.

Gou smiles sheepishly and replies by saying she’s glad I’m awake. “And not completely high because the massive amounts of painkillers they gave you,” she quickly adds.

While rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Gou tells me about how, when I woke up, I first cried for half an hour.

“You told us so many times how happy you were to have survived,” Gou explains. “And you were right to, and it should’ve been heartbreaking, but you were so drugged it was funny.”

She also tells me how, once I was ready crying, I told them a million times how much I loved Sousuke and how handsome he is and how glad I am I met him.

Which is all true of course, but it must’ve also been hard on them, because even I just know I’m gay, or bisexual or whatever, I didn’t even fully tell them about Sousuke and me.

“ _Oh, and his muscles!_ ” Gou says in a deeper voice, as if impersonating me. “ _They’re beautiful and sooo handsome!”_ She bursts out in laughter, making me blush from top to toe.

In an attempt to hide my shame, I look away and mumble, “You’re the one obsessed with muscles, Gou.” I pause, closing my eyes in shame. “Not me.”

“Oh, shut up!” Gou squeaks, just when the door opens again.

Mom walks into the room, followed by Nurse Kato, and takes a seat again. Nurse Kato looks less calm, but I don’t think there’s any way to be calm when having a job at a hospital.

“Rin,” she says with a polite nod. “I’m glad to see you awake and smiling.”

“And not completely drugged,” Gou whispers in my ear with a giggle.

I feel my face getting hot and red again; I’m so ashamed about everything I said.

I know I have to get my act back together, because otherwise I’ll be all stuttery and awkward instead of being serious when asking about the surgery.

I straighten my face and ask, “Did it work?” I can feel myself grimacing from the pain and from the fear. “The surgery, did it work?”

Nurse Kato gives me a worried glance, which doesn’t tell me anything because it’s _her_ , and she glances down to the ground. When she looks up she’s smiling wide with tears welling up in her eyes, in moments like this her actual personality shimmers through her layers upon layers of taught professionality.

“It did,” she says with a smile. “It went amazing.”

A smile tucks at the corners of my mouth and I feel like crying now; I am crying already.

Nurse Kato continues, telling me how they made sure everything actually went well when I was awake yesterday and that the tests proofed that the heart valve is fixed.

“I survived,” I whisper to myself, still stunned that I survived all of that _and_ it worked.

Nurse Kato gets her act back together as well and looks at me with a serious expression.

“Of course, you’ll have to stay at the Intensive Care for a couple more days,” Nurse Kato explains. “You’ll have to keep up with your medication and make sure to rest a lot.”

She keeps listing the usual; try not to move too much outside of physical therapy, don’t overdo anything, say it when I’m in pain, etcetera.

I nod every once in awhile, but I know of the after-surgery-rules by heart after having had so many surgeries throughout one lifetime.

“If everything keeps going in the right direction,” Nurse Kato says. “You should be able to go back to your old room within a week, but we’ll still have to be able to monitor you closely so no hide and seek in the hospital anymore.”

I bite the inside of my cheek in shame, I should’ve known running through a hospital to hide wasn’t a good idea. Especially since I wasn’t feeling well, but it made us find out what was wrong with me earlier than we would’ve if I didn’t go along with Nagisa’s absurd plans.

I look down at my hands and smile even though tears are still dripping off my chin; I’m actually here, and I’m actually alive. Of course, I have a long way to go until I’m completely back to normal after this surgery, but I’m okay.

I close my eyes and let out a relieved chuckle.

From now on, I’m sure, everything can only get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Preparing a "welcome back" party.  
> It isn't easy...


	14. Be Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke wants to be somebody to Rin... somebody special!

**_Sousuke Yamazaki_ **

Twelve more hours.

That’s how long Rin has to stay at the IC. A few more hours to keep a close eye on him and take tests and make sure he’s doing good enough to come back to leave the IC.

According to Nurse Kato, he’s doing amazing and healing better than expected. He’s taking his meds daily, keeping up with his feeding schedule and takes a massive amount of powernaps to recover quickly.

But because Rin’s doing so well, and he’s coming back to our usual department, we’re a little behind on schedule. Nagisa still has to ask him mom to bring an old sheet for a banner and Makoto hasn’t been able to ask him parents for a set of finger paint.

So now we’re all sitting on the floor in my room, thinking about ways to get this to work.

We’re planning on completely transforming our room into a “welcome back” celebration, but since we have none of the supplies we’ll have to improvise.

“What if we ask one of the nurses if we can borrow some of the hospital’s party supplies?” Makoto asks from across the room, where he’s lying on the floor. “I know they have some lying around for the younger kids’ birthdays.”

Rei nods and says, “Yes, that would be an idea.”

“They also have markers, crayons and chalk in the kids’ playroom at the children’s oncology department,” Nagisa tells us, sounding happier now that there’s a way for us to give Rin a grand welcome. “And there’s colored paper as well.”

“Then all we need is an old sheet, right?” I ask. “For the banner?”

I look around the group, hoping somebody has an idea for making the banner.

Nagisa and Rei both shake their head after glancing at each other. Makoto shrugs and tells me he doesn’t have any idea where we could get an old sheet.

It’s when my eyes meet Haruka’s that I see his longing expression and opened mouth.

For some reason I expect him to talk, but of course he doesn’t. Instead he taps on Makoto’s shoulder and points to Rin’s drawer.

Makoto walks towards the little nightstand and gets out a piece of paper and a pencil, as if Haruka telepathically told him to get that.

Haruka mouth something that might be a “thank you”, but I can’t read lips.

After glancing at Makoto lovingly, he turns to the piece of paper and starts writing. It takes him a while, but when he looks up again he hands the notebook to Makoto.

“Oh, yeah,” Makoto says with a smile. “Great idea, Haruka.”

“What does it say?” I ask.

Makoto looks up at us and reads, “They keep the ripped linen somewhere within the hospital.” He explains that we can easily ask Nurse Kato and tell her why we need some of the ripped sheets, she would give us one of the sheets for sure.

“I’ll ask Nurse Kato!” Nagisa suggests, already on his feet and running to the door.

He’s closely followed by Rei, who tells us they’ll be back in no time.

Now we’re with the three of us, which leaves us with the tasks of finding crayons, markers and paper to make a card and some decorations.

Haruka and Makoto head to Haruka’s room since he’s apparently good at drawing and therefore keeps some markers and pencils in his room, together with some thick sketch paper. And I’m asked to go to the children’s oncology department to get some colored paper and crayons.

I wander through the hallways, trying to follow the signs, but for some reason I keep walking into other departments. Within the first ten minutes, I wandered into the girl’s bathroom, thinking it was a door to another hallway, I’ve seen the neurology department and I walked past where they keep the newborn kids. But after twenty minutes of wandering through the hallways of the second floor I still haven’t found the children’s oncology department.

I’m ready to give up when I find Rei and Nagisa walking through the same hallway as I am. Rei’s holding a big sheet and Nagisa cradles a basket with crayons and colored paper and markers, which means they must’ve stopped by the department that I can’t seem to find.

“Sou!” Nagisa squeaks when he sees me. “We can begin!”

“Yeah, we got everything,” Rei adds, when they’re closer to me.

We walk back to my room, and while we do they tell me how easy it was to get Nurse Kato to agree with them that it was a great idea to give Rin a warm welcome when he gets back to his usual room this evening.

When we’re all back in my room again, we start planning. Nagisa and Rei work on origami flowers and butterflies, I make the “welcome back” card and Makoto and Haruka decorate the banner with the markers.

I make a massive card, with the colorful paper; two big sharks on the front, and a dolphin, a penguin, butterflies and an orca. Oh, and hearts of course, and a koala. I keep adding until the entire front of the card is filled with all sorts of happy, derby-looking, animals.

Of course, I also write a little bit inside before handing it to Makoto.

When I’m done with the card I start helping out with making the origami decorations, sticking them to the walls and the beds, IV stands and windows. I also take wool, that for some reason we had lying around in our bedroom, and get on the bed to hang some of the decorations to the ceiling.

We do this for hours, without pausing even once.

By the time we’re hanging the banner from the ceiling, it’s one half an hour until Rin will return to our room. For some reason I feel very nervous, I’m afraid he won’t like all the attention or he’ll get mad that we decorated his entire room without asking first.

But when I back up, after placing the card on our bedside table, and see the room in his entirety, I feel so proud; it looks amazing, beautiful and welcoming.

“Woooooww.” I hear Nagisa’s voice coming from beside me, followed by a glad giggle that must belong to Rei. “It’s beautiful!”

Nagisa tucks at my sleeve and asks, “You think it’s pretty too, right Sou?”

I nod and smile at Nagisa, who made most of the little decorations that are scattered across the room. He’s clearly proud of what we made, and I couldn’t be more proud either.

“I can’t wait until Rin comes back,” I say. “I’m sure he’ll love this.”

I look at the rest of the group and see all of their wide smiles. They get even wider when I thank them for helping me decorate the room. “I couldn’t have done it on my own.”

We’re done for today, or at least for the upcoming thirty minutes; that’s what I thought at least, until Haruka nudges Makoto.

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Makoto replies to the non-existing words Haruka apparently told him. “The room looks amazing now, but wouldn’t you think Rin would like _you_ to look your best as well?” His eyes are fixated on me, a mild smile stuck on his face.

I feel myself getting redder when Nagisa says, “Oh yeah! Of course, Rin’s prince has to wear a suit and welcome him with a kiss!”

_His prince?_ I get warmer and redder with every second that passes. _Am I Rin’s prince?_

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what we’re talking about,” Makoto tells me and he gives me a wink. “We all know Rin fancies you.”

I stare at the ground, and I don’t lift my head until Makoto’s hand rests on my shoulder and he says, “Nagisa is right, though.”

I frown, confused about what he’s talking about.

“You should wear something like a suit or a white shirt,” Makoto tells me.

I shrug, knowing that I have nothing nice in my suitcase; who takes a suit or white clothing to a hospital when you’ll be lying in bed all the time anyway?

“Don’t worry,” Makoto says with a smile. “I came prepared; I have a suit that might fit you.”

I smile nervously, never in my life have I worn a suit and I wasn’t planning to wear one during my hospital stay at all.

Nagisa’s hand wraps around mine, and I get pulled into the hallway with a lot of force.

“Come prince!” Nagisa says. “Your suit is waiting for you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:   
> The Finale!


	15. Unbreakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Finale

**_Rin Matsuoka_ **

I could fall asleep right here, right now, in this wheelchair while being pushed through the hallways; I didn’t sleep at all for the past couple of days and I can’t wait until I’m lying in my own, comfy, hospital bed in my homey room.

I never sleep a lot when I’m lying in the Intensive Care. I have bad memories of that place; weeks on life-support, hearing the news that dad passed away, pain and only pain.

So I’m now really glad I can go back to the place in the hospital where I feel happy, and calm. The place where I ran into Makoto and Haruka for the first time, and the place where Nagisa sprayed cola from his nose and Rei got drunk on candy. The place I spend more days than I spend at home, and the place where I met the guy I’ve fallen for; the place I call home.

So when Nurse Kato pushes me through the doors, and I roll through the hallways of my department, I feel extremely relieved.

_Only one more turn and then I’m home_ , I think to myself. _I can see my friends again, and I can hug the guy I love for as long as I possibly want._

“We’re here,” Nurse Kato says, stating the obvious because my name’s written on the sign next to the door; and I can’t possibly not remember my own home. “You’re ready?”

She sounds like she’s up to something, because normally she would never ask whether I’m ready to go into my own room. She knows I’m always looking forward to crawling underneath the blankets and hug my pillow until I fall asleep in my nice room.

But now she’s asking me whether I’m ready to go in? Why?

“Yeah, of course I am,” I reply, definitely sounding hesitant.

I wonder if she’s asking it because something happened; what if something happened? What if I go inside and Sousuke’s not there, or he’s doing very bad?

A lot can happen in a few days, and Nurse Kato didn’t mention him even once.

I look down at my lap and clench the blanket that is draped over my legs while telling myself that it’s going to be alright, over and over again.

I hear the door slide open, and I feel the wheels of my wheelchair struggling to get over the little doorstep, but I don’t dare to look. Because what if I open my eyes and see Sousuke lying in his bed on life-support? Or even worse, what if his bed is gone completely.

I swallow and it feels like my heart is going to explode right here and now.

But then I hear a giggle, a high-pitched and soft giggle; Nagisa.

_What is Nagisa doing in my room?_ I immediately wonder, and my eyes shoot up before I can keep myself from looking up.

My mouth opens in surprise when I see what my room looks like.

The room looks nothing like it did when I left it a couple of days ago; it’s filled with pink and blue, red, green and purple origami creatures and there’s a huge banner pinned to the wall.

The banner has huge letters in rainbow colors written on it, in what looks like Haruka’s handwriting, and it says, “Welcome back, Rin!”.

The huge letters are surrounded by little drawings of animals and party decorations and confetti; it looks so cheerful and colorful.

I look at my friends, who are standing pressed up against each other, all of them are smiling wide. Makoto’s holding Haruka’s hand tightly as they smile and mouth, “welcome back”.

Rei readjusts his glasses and hands Nagisa big, colorful card.

It looks handmade, but I don’t know who drew the little animals and hearts on the front.

“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice breaking in the middle of thanking them for the warm welcome, and I open the card.

There’s many writing in there and I can make out everyone’s handwriting in an instance. We’ve written each other so many letters and “get well soon” cards that I can read their messages with ease, no matter how sloppy it is.

Nagisa’s message, written in a bright, pink, glitter pen, says, “ _hi rin we missed you so much!_ ” without any capital letters or punctuation aside from the large exclamation mark at the end.

Rei’s much neater as always, you can see he put effort in every dot. In purple marker, he wrote, “ _Dear Matsuoka, I’m glad to see you as healthy as possible again._ ” He even put his signature underneath the message as if signing a contract.

“ _Rin, I was so happy to hear everything went well! Congrats and welcome back!_ ” It isn’t singed, but it’s Makoto without any doubt. The cheerful but still polite, and almost motherly, messages always belong to him.

Then there’s Haruka, who wrote with blue ink that smudged on the ends; he always drags his arm over the paper when writing, not leaving the ink enough time to dry. His message is short, but strong, as always. It reads, “ _You did it. Rin.”_

And lastly there’s a handwriting I don’t know yet, and I’m sure it belongs to a person that wasn’t in the room when I came in; Sousuke.

His handwriting isn’t sloppy, but not neat either, he clearly made mistakes and tried to fix them and it resembles the way he sometimes doesn’t quite know what to say.

His message is a little longer than the others, but I can read it without pausing or blinking even once. In dark green marker, Sousuke tells me, “ _Rin, you made it! You faced your fear and survived it. I’m proud of you, Rin! Now you’re unbreakable! Love, Sousuke.”_ He ended his message with a little heart, which I didn’t think someone like him would ever do, I love it!

I look up, at the group, and notice how blurred my vision is; the tears keep me from seeing properly. What I can see is that Sousuke’s still not there, and I wonder if the feeling that something happened to him was true after all.

My heart is racing, and tears are starting to dribble over my cheeks, by the time Nagisa chuckles and glances at something around the corner. Nagisa reaches beside him and pulls something towards him, at the same time everyone else steps aside.

There he is.

Sousuke’s standing in the middle of the group, bouquet of paper flowers in his hands. His clothes are so tight I can see his muscles through the white buttoned-up shirt he’s wearing.

His flustered expression matches the color of the wrapping that’s around the origami flowers, and the tie he’s wearing makes his bright, teal eyes sparkle.

“Hi,” he nervously whispers when he sees me and his cheeks get even redder.

Slowly, Sousuke walks up to me and I only now notice how badly he’s trembling. And when he’s standing in front of me, he gets on one knee and presents me the bouquet.

I gasp and feel my cheeks getting warmer with every second that passes.

Sousuke’s face is close to mine now, and we’re at the same height when he’s on his knees. I don’t have to think twice and kiss him right away.

I’ve been longing for the sweet taste of Sousuke’s lips and I’ve been waiting for his warm hands to tousle my hair while we hug.

I missed him so much, and when our lips stop touching I want him to kiss me again.

Sousuke doesn’t kiss me another time, though, instead he nervously chuckles and plays with the paper that’s around the flowers while he says, “I missed you, Rin.”

“I missed you too.” I can’t keep my eyes off of him, and I won’t ever again because I need him near me; that’s what I know after being separated from him for almost a week.

Sousuke starts blushing and tries to hand me the flowers without making it awkward.

He fails; almost dropping the flowers at first and after that getting his fingers tangled up with mine when giving them to me.

I chuckle and hug the flowers tightly before telling Sousuke how much I love him.

“I love you too,” Sousuke says, going in for another kiss.

When our lips part again, I can’t stop smiling.

I glance at my group of friends behind Sousuke and see that some of them are wiping away tears, while others are smiling wide or even clapping softly.

I look back at Sousuke, who’s still on one knee, awkwardly trying to find a way to continue this conversation without making any mistakes.

I chuckle and tell him, “You know you can get back up, right?”

Sousuke’s face gets completely red and he stammers something inaudible.

“I’m too young to marry,” I whisper in his ear. “That’s all.”

It seems that he only now realizes that he has gotten on one knee and told me he loved me, and what it resembles, and he gets on back on his feet in an instance. Awkwardly wobbling from side to side while stammering more inaudible words.

As if agreed on, my friends burst out in laughter and they clap and whoop at us. And before I know it they all come flying at me with full speed. I get pressed in between multiple chests, and I can hear all of them laughing happily while hugging my tightly.

It’s then and there that I realize how lucky I am; not everyone would survive the surgery I just survived. Not everyone has friends like I have, and not everyone has a person they love dearly that loves them back just as much.

Not everyone is unbreakable, but right now while hugging the friends I’ve made in the past years, I know one thing; nothing can possibly make my unhappy again.

Because right now, right here, I’m unbreakable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Did you like what I wrote???  
> If you did, leave a comment to give me some feedback and maybe you can check out "The Curse Of Having Too Much Time To Think About It" to see Nagisa and Rei's story :)  
> Thanks for reading this!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Sooooo, medical conditions and not just one of them... I will give you a little explination about the diseases that are most important in this story.  
> I'm not a doctor, so I don't know if my portraying of the mentioned conditions are completely accurate, but these facts that I will tell in this authorsnote should be correct since they come from my trusty research sources. Also, I try to explain it as simple as possible :)
> 
> Let's go!  
> ____________________________  
> Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS):  
> EDS is a genetic condition that affects the connective tissues in the body. These connective tissues are responsible for supporting and structuring the skin, blood vessels, bones, and organs and therefor when you have EDS it can affect every one of these things.  
> There are 13 major types of EDS, but I'll be mainly focussing on the "hypermobile" and "classic" EDS. Each one of the types of EDS affects a different part of the body. 
> 
> Some symptoms of hypermobile EDS:  
> \- Loose joints  
> \- Easy bruising  
> \- Muscle fatigue/pain  
> \- Chronic pain  
> \- Heart valve problems
> 
> Some symptoms of classic EDS:  
> \- Loose joints  
> \- Highly elastic skin  
> \- Fragile skin  
> \- Easy bruising  
> \- Muscle fatigue/pain  
> \- Heart valve problems  
> \- Benign growths on pressure areas  
> ____________________________  
> Chronic Intestinal Pseudo-Obstruction (CIP):  
> CIP is a rare disorder where coordinated contractions in the intestinal tract become inefficient. When this happens, food and fluids can't properly move through the stomach and intestines. CIP can lead to complete paralisis of the intestinal track. 
> 
> Some symptoms of CIP:  
> \- Vomiting  
> \- Diarrhea  
> \- Constipation  
> \- Abdomal Pain  
> \- Feeling of fullness  
> ____________________________  
> Immunodeficiency disorder:  
> Immunodeficiency disorders prevent your body from fighting infections and diseases. This type of disorder makes it easier for you to catch viruses and bacterial infections.
> 
> Some symptoms of Immunodeficiency disorder:  
> \- Pinkeye  
> \- Colds  
> \- Sinus infections  
> \- Pneumonia  
> \- Yeast infections  
> \- Diarrhea  
> ____________________________  
> Asthma:  
> Asthma is a condition in which your airways narrow and swell and may produce extra mucus. This can make breathing difficult and trigger coughing, wheezing when you breathe and shortness of breath. 
> 
> Some symptoms of Asthma:  
> \- Shortness of breath  
> \- Chest tightness/pain  
> \- Wheezing when exhaling  
> \- Trouble sleeping  
> ____________________________  
> Dysautonomia:  
> In Dysautonomia the Autonomic Nervous System doesn’t function as it should. This can cause heart and blood pressure problems, breathing trouble, loss of bladder control and many other problems.
> 
> Some symptoms of Dysautonomia:  
> \- Noise/Light sensitivity  
> \- Shortness of breath  
> \- Ongoing tiredness  
> \- Chest discomfort  
> \- Brain fog  
> \- Swings in body temperature  
> \- Sleeping problems  
> \- Loss of bowel/urinate control  
> ____________________________  
> Well, that was all... yeah I spend quite a few hours researching and through writing I'm still having the websites open... I hope I'll do a good job portraying these medical conditions and I hope you'll enjoy the story :)  
> Make sure to let me know what you think! Every comment or like, no matter how big or small, means the world to me!
> 
> Love, Noa <3


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